I (21F) have been dating my boyfriend (21M) for one year now. We have sex almost every time we see each other, however he has never made me orgasm.
For context, simple penetration doesn’t do it for me. When i am alone the only thing that can get me to finish is clit stimulation, however this can take 20-40 minutes. Overall, this makes me feel like a burden, as I can’t really enjoy traditional “love-making” because my needs are so laborious and specific.
I got up the courage to actually tell him this is the reason why never reach orgasm during our sex, and how this clit stimulation is the only way for me. But after telling him, has never offered to try and help me finish. Sometimes he will bring this out in foreplay for 20 seconds or so, but then he moves into wanting sex. Overall, I enjoy sex because it feels somewhat good and I like
pleasing him, however I can’t help but feel a little disregarded.
I’m not sure how to go about this, i don’t want to “force him” to do anything to me, since he clearly isn’t very interested. But it would be nice to actually orgasm for once. Any advice on how to address this tactfully
12 comments
Hey, is ok to pm you.
Most women can’t orgasm from from penetration alone and it’s completely normal that clitorial stimulation takes time as well. Talk to him about this outside the bedroom. If he’s putting in zero effort to make you finish as well he’s being selfish. Have him rub you while you’re fucking, guide him, tell him what motions feel good and not, tell him when he hits that one spot that really does it. Perhaps consider bringing some toys into it too. Like a vibrator or a clit sucking one. He should not be intimidated by some simple toys, and he should care about your pleasure as well.
It sounds like he doesn’t really prioritise your pleasure, which is likely a problem that could lead to resentment in the long run. Your needs are not “laborious and specific”, in fact only a small percentage of women can actually orgasm from penetration alone. If you’ve told him and he isn’t making an effort to make you orgasm, then perhaps sit him down and talk about it more in detail and how important it is to you
I think you absolutely should feel disregarded. You opened up and told him what you need and he’s not doing it. I would 1000% tell him that as much as you like pleasing him and are glad he enjoys sex, that you’re not interested in having sex simply for him and if he’s not willing to do whatever needs to be done (toys like a finger vibe, oral, or whatever) then he is NOT IT FOR YOU. Run away. He’s the problem, not you. MANY women need more time & clit stimulation. There is nothing wrong with you and your needs are valid, not laborious or excessive. He needs to step up or gtfo imo
Maybe sit him down again and tell him directly. The sooner the better. When one partner in a relationship gets used to doing the bare minimum during sex, its hard to break that habit
I’ll spend as much time as my wife needs or wants. It doesn’t matter how long it takes a good lover will get you there regardless of how long it takes.
there isn’t something wrong with you, your bf is being entirely selfish. sex is supposed to be about both of you. this doesn’t sound like sex it sounds like he is using you to masturbate.
Ask him to eat you out and get him to try for longer. Sounds like sex just lasts as long as he does. He needs to learn to be more fair.
You need to throw a temper tantrum on him quick.
>this makes me feel like a burden
He sounds like a selfish lover, but this is actually a bigger problem. You are not a burden. Something like 85% of women CANNOT cum from penetration alone. You deserve to ask for and receive what you need in bed, but this thinking has the potential to keep you from believing that.
Ask for what you want, and don’t have sex with people who don’t care at least as much about sex being good for you as they do about it being good for them.
Find a new one
he is selfish. you’ve told him what you need, and he’s made no effort to adjust to even *try* to please you. cut your losses