Conversations with my friend are beginning to really grate me. She is getting married in TWO years and every single conversation we’ve had has been about wedding planning. I’m her MOH, and she comes to me for every minor freaking detail. “How does this sign look next to these place cards?”, “what do you think of these tea candles?” I swear we haven’t had a conversation that doesn’t revolve around wedding planning in half a year, and prior to the engagement it was about how anxious she was about her boyfriend proposing, like obsessing over it to the point of needing a therapist. That was going on for months before he proposed (they’ve been together 2 years).
I’m married, I understand the process but my god I wasn’t this fucking crazy about it, I spoke about it occasionally, sure. I asked for advice sometimes, yes. But I have more going on in my life than a wedding and she wants me at every bridal appt, (I decline often) and for every decision. Recently, I got into an amazing grad school program, we talked about it for maybe a minute? And then somehow the conversation went back to the wedding. I’m not the only person in her life to go through this shit either, she called her family member to tell them about something we JUST went over, that was not significant at all, and I could tell her family member was annoyed. So she’s doing it to everyone.
I don’t know if I can do this for another two years. And I assume it’s going to be a whole other process when they’re trying for a baby. How do I talk to her about this or is this something I should just change my perspective on?
5 comments
Man this is a tough one, because she’s probably going to get quite upset if you try and tell her to cool her jets a bit.
Honestly, I would talk to her because it sounds like getting married is her entire life….. Annnd that is some kinda messed up.
Why not ask her directly how she feels about getting married and her wedding? Tell her that you love her but you’re concerned about how much attention she is giving to her wedding and you’re wondering why?
It may be time to tell her your grad school will be taking up too much of your time and you need to back out of the MOH.
She sounds exhausting!! friendships support each other, not just one-sided!
Honestly, at this point it sounds you have nothing to lose if you address it directly. If you keep swallowing your feelings you’re going to snap and one day it’ll all boil over.
I’d tell her that you love her and you love being there for her and her wedding but that you’re also quite concerned. Tell her in “I” messages what you’ve noticed (micromanaging tea lights two years before the wedding, going over x, y and z and trying to control an event to this degree). Maybe you can bring up her therapy and that you’re very worried.
Ask her if she’d be ok with setting a timeframe for talking about wedding issues when you meet (like you discuss wedding issues for 30 minutes and then all wedding talk is off the table).
That’s what I would do. And if she gets angry then at least you tried. It’s not like you have an alternative if you don’t want to slowly go insane. Good luck.