So you hear a lot of things on how men should treat a woman, but there is hardly anything on how women should treat men. How should you let a woman treat you?
I feel like I get put through so much shit and I tolerate it for the most part. Not just in dating but in life.
As I was on a date the other day and we were jokingly talking about each others weakness. She said that I don’t know how to say no. Before proceeding to put me through a shit tests, where she offered to do some hardcore drugs. Amused I said no and shared stories of encounter with those drugs. However, I took to her comment as her calling me a push over, which annoyed me slightly. Then I guess the rest of the night it felt like she was making an effort to push my buttons which just made me lose attraction towards her.
I guess I give off the impression that I am a push over. So I guess I need to make my boundaries clearer as they are there, I just don’t advertise them and I don’t usually forgive once someone crosses them.
I’m someone who is usually unbothered by most things as I usually don’t care enough about outcome, or I let certain things slide for the sake of peace and not causing a scene. And if I do have a problem/preference I voice them.
I also like to say I have a high toleratance for a lot of shit, but once I reach my limit that’s it I snap and you will know about it.
Any advice on how I can set boundaries effectively before or when someone is close to pushing them?
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>I’m someone who is usually unbothered by most things as I usually don’t care enough about outcome, or I let certain things slide for the sake of peace and not causing a scene. And if I do have a problem/preference I voice them.
>I also like to say I have a high toleratance for a lot of shit, but once I reach my limit that’s it I snap and you will know about it.
Tell women a version of this. Let them know you consider yourself easy going for the most part, but will make sure someone knows when you disagree and will push back when you have a strong opinion on the matter. And don’t be hesitant to voice your opinion even if it’s in favor of what someone wants. It helps them to get used to you voicing your opinion.
Also, it’s ok to let something slide in public but address it in private so the person knows you were not happy. My husband won’t ever make me look a fool in public, but if I did something to upset him in public he will address it when we’re alone so I understand it upset him and why. I appreciate that he uses this approach so I know what he didn’t like and know not to do it again, but I also don’t feel embarrassed in public. Obviously, if it was super important or life threatening, he’d address it right then and there, but that’s rare.
Scotch Tape.
Our [aims](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QY3cleclVwY) frame our virtues and values.
Our virtues and values frame our boundaries in service of our aims.
Without aim, boundaries don’t hold and are inconsistent.
If you have aim, next step is to treat your future self like a friend you genuinely want the best for. Advocate for that person the same way you would others you love.
I’ve been integrating my [shadow](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4xD2-tu2xqk) for about a decade now. Want people to know to treat you with respect? Developing a relationship with our shadow allows us access to our darker traits. We become able to consciously call them forward to serve our aims. What’s that look like? The monster is Conner O’Malley’s shadow in [A Monster Calls
](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R2Xbo-irtBA).
I’m very much like you in the fact that I don’t care for making a scene, so my limits were pretty high. But after years of having people test those limits and push the bar to see how high they can get it with me, my tolerance is getting lower and lower. I started seeing it in every woman I was with, and could recognize the shit tests, and just stopped it right in it’s tracks early, and women hated that. Not all, but a lot of women want a guy they can wrap around their finger and easily get their way with, why would any guy want to be this? I used to be that guy when I was married, but eventually I realized I was being walked on and used and smartened up.
As for setting up boundaries, you just have to be firm and if someone questions your boundaries just say “I’ll respect your boundaries, but deserve the same respect from you” and they question that still, then tell them to forget your number and have a nice life.
You should have boundaries that are based on reason and logic. Trying to set arbitrary boundaries will be difficult to maintain. Think through your values and learn to understand your existing boundaries and learn to strengthen the weaker boundaries you have already.
You set boundaries for yourself and permissions for others.
Duuuuude. “Boundaries” are a good thing, but that’s a lot of psychobabble. You don’t need to necessarily set “Boundaries” (which is about them) , you need to show better impulse control and exercise better judgment (which is about you) Look, this:
> we were jokingly talking about each others weakness.
Who in their right fucking mind *jokingly* talks about each other’s weaknesses? like, seriously, **WTF?**.
You are the author of your own tragedy here, figure out why you cannot see that the obvious, like *joking* about “Weakness” isn’t a good thing. Don’t blame others for your own shortcomings, this is a “you” issue.
Easy, just say no and walk away. Go live your own life, without the person that tests you.
​
Weak men use words. Strong men use silence.