Along the years I’ve noticed one reason why I feel so alone and isolated is because I never text my friends. Ever, for anything. I respond when they text me, of course, but the only time I initiate a conversation is to send one meme every 3 months.
This is because every time I want to text someone I immediately think that there’s no way they want me talking to them. That I’m a nuisance and there’s no reason to talk to me and I’d just make them uncomfortable. That I’m the type of friend to clown around with a bit, but nothing more.
Lately I’m understanding more and more that this isn’t true. My therapist has advised me to just forget about my ego and my overthinking and just talk to them if I feel like it. I want to but find it incredibly difficult.
So I need a little validation. Do you like when a friend of yours (whichever definition of ‘friend’ you consider) texts you out of the blue to ask how you’re doing? Or anything else? For example, I want to tell one friend (who I’m not so close to anymore) that I read his comic and liked it, but he’s pretty busy and I don’t even know if he likes me anymore. Would it be weird?
Thanks in advance.
46 comments
Not all the time not all friends .but yes . I do feel good about text from friends once In a while
Few things in life feel better than a friend checking up on you.
When I receive a text I always go immediately on guard that someone wants something from me and I’m going to have to possibly do something I didn’t really want to do today.
Which is why it’s so very pleasant when it turns out to just be someone checking in to say hi or share something fun they found.
So be that second guy… the one they want to hear from!
^^^Just ^^^not ^^^*too* ^^^often!
If I’m always the person initiating conversations it makes me feel like they don’t want to be my friend sometimes though I recognize some people just don’t reach out first
I prefer my own company, my friends get pissed I don’t engage enough. I rarely message anyone.
I wish my friends texted me, I always feel weird if I’m the one to message because I never know what to say. I hardly talk to friends outside of being on campus.
Oh god I absolutely love it when people text me!! I also love to text people. Nothing better than keeping contact with people I love/like. Warms my heart and makes me feel cared for. When I get a “hey how are you doing” from anyone, I’m immediately better, no matter how I truly am doing. It’s a great habit, that helps both the person that reaches out, and the one on the receiving end. Go for it!
Yes. It is a good way to talk to people without accidentally interrupting them like a phone call might. It let’s them reply at their leisure.
Before he started dating a Succubus, my best friend and I would text a lot and it was always both funny and reassuring when my phone would yell “By fire be purged!” Ala Ragnaros from WoW. It was so much Siri would actually suggest messaging him. But anytime my CPTSD kicked in, I could send him a message and usually within an hour he’d respond and we would chat about various things and I would calm down.
Then last summer rolled around and it dropped to zero Ina matter of days. I didn’t find out about the Succubus until six or seven weeks after they got together. She hates me. Probably because I can see she’s a narcissistic Succubus. Like the fact she has no Dushane Smile. At all. Even in photos where, were I in her place, you would see the genuine smile. Not her. In some photos I’ve seen of them, it literally looks like he is posing with a cardboard cutout.
Honestly I wish my friends texted me more often. When they never start a conversation I feel like they don’t like talking to me and maybe they prefer not to have me in their life. I’m sure you can make someone’s day by just texting them and asking about how they’re doing. 😊
I like texting, but not all the time.. I need my space! Socialising in person or on the phone is better for me as I build connections better and get a vibe for them more
Hell no
When I feel lonely or generally bad I message my friends and tell them that I care about them or give them compliments.
It’s definitely like a 10/1 return on what you put out there, but eventually it starts coming back
As someone with a shit ton of social anxiety I totally get this. It’s rare that I get a text from a friend and it doesn’t make my day a little bit better.
And remember that maybe they’re feeling the same way and by you texting them, you’re reassuring them that they’re not a nuisance when they text you.
Also, if they’re not really friends with you and annoyed by you – that’s not your problem. They need to have better boundaries and not be fake friends with people they don’t want to talk to.
Feel free to message me if you ever need a little extra encouragement on this front or just someone to chat with.
see the thing about texts is that they can reply to you whenever they want. so even if you send your message at a time when theyre busy, (since you’re afraid of bothering them) they can just reply it whenever theyre ready.
to answer your question – yes. love it when people especially old friends message me out of the blue. it gives reassurance that we’re still friends despite not talking/seeing eo after a long time 🙂
It makes me giddy with joy, but at the same time I dread it because I have to reply
Of course I do — its nice to know that someone is thinking of you and wants to know how you’re doing.
It’s nice when you’re not the only one doing the reciprocating and shows that your friend cares about you. It’s nice to stay in touch with friends!
I literally get butterflies when anyone texts me lmao. I just really love my friends. Knowing that they care is one of the greatest feelings.
It’s true that when someone reaches out I feel very happy that they were thinking about me and wanted to put effort into our friendship. I’ve also wondered if it’s appropriate to reach out to somebody that I haven’t talked to in years, and think that if one of my old school friends did that to me, I would be very honored. As we get older we drift apart from our friends and both people are thinking the same thing, that the other person is too busy and doesn’t want to hear from them. I find that my former friends don’t try to connect to me, and I’m always the one reaching out. After a while it gets exhausting.
But sometimes I don’t like to text because I’m just not in the mood for a random text conversation and it can be awkward if the other person is in the middle of something. One of the best things to do is just text and say you miss talking to them and would love to get together and do something fun. Then the ball is in their court and if they’re interested in you they can take you up on that. But if they aren’t, it’s easy to just give a vague reply and no pressure on them to follow through.
I’m sorry you feel that way. Of course I love hearing from the people I love, duh. Like, this is lame of me but sometimes when I’m busy but they’re on my mind, I just text them “bump” to move them to the top of my text list, and HOLY SHIT ppl have been LOVING it. Lol it’s been a cool experience just to see all the creative responses (and not one “?”, Cuz we all deserve better).
Kinda sucks when you’re the one initiating the convo 90% of the time though. And yet you see that same friend texting people nonstop.
Yeah ofc. Most people probably get a dopamine hit when you message them
I hate texting I’d rather someone call every once in a while tbh.
You have friends that text you?
No I don’t like it because they only message me if they needed something so now I ghosted them and they left me.
It depends on the nature of the call. I do like invitations to hang out or go do something but that is extremely rare. I like this sometimes because it’s nice to be included for once. Most of the time friends don’t reach out unless they need something from me so my initial knee jerk reaction to seeing a text from a “friend” is oh crap what do they want now.
I love it when they text me but I hate replying to them which makes *me* the problem tbh
Absolutely love it. I don’t want to be the only one reaching out and if that’s the case I don’t care to talk to you.
This is actually very relatable. I have only one best friend and usually she texts me, and it’s quite often. And quite a lot (9 min voice message how you like that). Soo honestly, even if I don’t feel like texting pr don’t have time i just postpone it ( not too long ofc) until I’m good to talk. And we both do that and ok with it. And even with all that, no matter in what mood or situation i am i don’t feel irked bc i know that this person is important to me.
So I think that if it’s your real friend they’ll be happy to receive messages from you anyways. Ofc the way people react and how fast they answer depends on their temper and everything but i still think it applies to all people.
I read a series of tweets once where someone talked about their anxiety, and how they always felt that their partner was bothered by them.
Their partner said something along the lines of “I wish you wouldn’t think of me like that,” because he loved her deeply and it hurt him to think she viewed him as the type of person who’d be burdened by the presence of someone he loved
Sometimes I have a hard time communicating, but I try to remind myself it isn’t really about me, it’s about the people I’m talking to — and they aren’t the type to be bothered by someone trying to talk to them
Answering to your question: Yep, instant dopamine rush, you feel as if somebody cares for you.
I used to be the same as you, but believe me, if you check up on people from time to time they will appreciate, as few people actually do. This carries over to other aspects in social life too, not only texting.
i really like it when my friends text me. I mean if my friends dont text me for a day or 2, i always text them. It feels great when talking about life, study and problems with ur friends
Try it man!
Honestly I love it
Sometimes, but I’ve got social anxiety in the other direction and a simple “what’s up?” text can send me into a panic spiral like my comfort bubble just got violently popped.
YES. Please please PLEASE text me. Say hi. Send me a shitty meme. Recommend me a shitty song. Do anything. I’d very much appreciate people checking up on me.
The other way around too. I try my best to check up on people every few weeks or months. Sometimes we click and chat up for days; most of the time though, we just say “Haha ok” then go have no contact for months again. But that’s fine. The most important thing is the thought that we don’t forget about each other and we still care.
Some people will eventually leave, some people won’t initiate at all, and some people will ghost you; but a few people will also say hi back and send you messages first the next time it comes around. That’s pretty much how you forge better friendships.
I’d also say don’t take it personally when whoever you message don’t answer much. They might be busy doing work, managing some problems, or even outright missing your message. Some of them might be actually rude, but it’s kinda risky to judge people without knowing the full picture.
Shitty grammar because I’m in bed and am going for a nap.
Very much
Yes, I like it when a friend texts me because it lets me know they’re still my friend. You said you respond when they text you, so maybe text the ones who you notice text you?
only on amphetamines
Yep, good to know people value me enough to contact me.
I’m one of those weird people where I only want people to reach out to me when they need something or if it’s regarding something. I’m not a fan of talking on the phone or texting, much prefer in person.
Ngl, random text are one of the best ways to communicate with friends. It changed my whole view on friendships when I got the confidence to initiate conversations without a motive, and just enjoy pointless convos with people.
I love when my friends text me, and I’m a regularly initiator of text just because I txt a lot but I love when my friends send me a text first!
I love hearing from my friends, no matter what! I never think it’s weird unless they end up hitting on me or trying to get me to join their pyramid scheme. If you’re not planning on doing either of those things I’d say go for it. 🙂
No I get anxious when I get phone notifications
If you like receiving texts from friends but are nervous about sending them then you can imagine that this will also be true about some of the people you’re thinking of texting… that by reaching out first you’re giving them the nice feeling you get when you receive a text and helping them in getting into a conversation where they night feel they are bothering you by sending the first text.
Basically if you want to live in a universe where people text you out of the blue you need to do it yourself sometimes to prove to yourself such a universe is possible.
Yes I do. But struggle to reply quickly. Then forget and feel guilty I’ve left it so long. Unsurprisingly, I have v few friends
I can’t deal with people not messaging. The people who don’t message me (either initiate contact or reply back) start to fall between the cracks, fade away. I know I have annoyed people in the past by messaging too much, too often, but my object permanence means I need to, or I forget them. It’s been happening for 37 years. I don’t consider it validation, it’s what I need to do to remember.