I (F18) know i’m a pretty obsessive person when I find something/someone I like. I’ve struggled with this since high school, which is why I didn’t date, only had obsessive crushes. Now that I’m with my first boyfriend (M21) (for almost 10 months) it’s a new terrain and can be scary. I scare myself with how emotionally dependent and clingy I can come across, all out of fear of losing him because I love him. I get scared that he doesn’t love me as much as I do him, which is why I oscillate between loving him and “not loving him”/considering ending things. We’re doing long distance for the summer, which worsens my anxiety and makes me think of all the potential factors that could end what we have before we see each other again.
I want to learn how to be in this relationship in a healthy way in order to both not drive him away with paranoia and to not lose myself by obsessing.
TL;DR: I’m an obsessive and anxious person and it’s causing me to center my boyfriend in everything I do. I want to learn to stop.
2 comments
Yes, it’s very possible and a great thing to do.
Don’t think of it in terms of de-centering — think of it in terms of adding. Add more leaves to your branch of life. Add dates with friends. Add a hobby. Add a sport. Add reading. Add a pet. Add museum visits. Add writing a journal.
The thing is to treat these things seriously. With commitment. Make a plan and show up, just as you would a date with a boyfriend. Don’t blow them off. These non-BF dates are an important part of growing yourself as a full human being.
It’s perfectly possible but I would advise you to talk to a therapist. I know you’re young and these feelings can be normal at your age but with how much you oscillate and the intensity with which you’re feeling all these things, it might really help you find some coping mechanisms and ways to recontextualise things in your head. The perfect person who can help you with that is a therapist