Small context: We have a large, close friend group. About 15 total, but about 6 to 8 of us will see each other regularly. Age ranges from 26-33. Nick has been in the friend group for about 5 years now. He joined by dating Allison. Nick has an issue blowing up on people for some awfully mundane reasons. For whatever reason, it seems that he uses Brad as a scapegoat, and blames him for things. Brad hasn’t been the most inviting, but he’s a core member of the friend group and has been around the longest. He is also very well liked among everyone. Brad’s wife Kellie is best friend’s with Allison. So their arguing and fighting is putting a rift between the two girls.
.
I have been in the friend group for awhile and am friends with both Brad and Nick. Moreso Brad, and Nick has blamed me for some things too. But I have been the only person out of our friend group to go out of the way to invite him to things ands make him feel included.
.
Brad asked Nick to meet him out this Wednesday to hash things out and come to a resolution for the sake of their SO’s relationship. Nick would like me to join as well, likely because I was really the only person that would try and be friends with him. Brad has some real issues he could probably work on, that I’m sure Nick would bring up. But Nick has a lot of red flags that need to be addressed as well, but I don’t want us to come off and ganging up on him. He could just use that as an excuse to shut down and not continue with the discussion.
.
So. There is many more years of context, but that’s the most basic version I could come up with. Does anyone have any suggestions for me, as the mediator, to ensure the discussion goes smooth and fair?
1 comment
You’re already going in at a disadvantage due to having history with both these people, and the wider friend group. It will be difficult for you to remain impartial, and even harder for your friends to trust you’re being impartial. Your intentions are good, but if I were in your shoes? I wouldn’t touch this situation with a ten foot pole.
If you’re really determined to be the mediator though, I’d get them to each write down their issues on a piece of paper prior to the meeting. Also get them to write down their desired outcome. This forces them to think about what they want to say.
Then you can go through each person’s talking points one by one. The discussion will probably devolve into an argument, so all you can do is to keep reminding them of their SO’s, how they’re doing this for them. That is one goal they share, so hopefully you can build on that commonality. Refer back to the outcomes they’d previously written too. Maybe these also overlap.
Good luck.