Relationship Advice Please

I’ll try to keep this short as possible so here goes nothing.

I(22M) and my GF (20F) have been dating for 2 years now. The beginning of our relationship she would lie to me a lot about her previous flings, which I told her I don’t care about them but never lie to me, and she is welcome to ask about mine. Yes I understand it’s not necessary to ask about the past but I was curious to it as seeing I wasn’t using protection during our sex. She lied to me consecutively over a span of 6 months and did a few morally questionable things which caused a lot of issues. Add on top of that she chooses her friends over me a lot, gets them gifts, blows me off for them and then goes to them for advice and all they tell her is to leave me I’m “toxic”. The relationship over the span of 8 months after became very sad and dark, she would abuse me physically, she would hit me when she was frustrated with the relationship or arguments and then say things like “it didn’t hurt you” and it’s true it wouldn’t hurt physically it would hurt/break my heart everytime. I never left her though. She one time cut up my eye and then went to her friends house after crying about what she did, and then told her friends I abused her. Which was not true I never laid a hand on her, I would only push her away when she would punch me in the face.

Her friend then tells my gf’s entire family I’m abusive. Her family didn’t believe it except her brother. This was my last straw, I gave my gf a ultimatum, told her, her me or her friend. She chose her friend. We break up. Which only lasted a few days. I came back to her. So the next few months we gradually improve ourselves emotionally.

A few months ago, I talked to her and told her that if she isn’t planning on a life/marriage with me, then we need to end things because it feels really one sided. She consulted her friend and I snapped I told her I don’t want her friends or mine involved in our relationship.

More examples of why it felt one-sided,
my friends would tell me to break up with her and I wouldn’t and when her friends would tell her she would block me or leave right away, and I would run back to talk to her about why, looking for answers. I gave her a brand new phone because hers was 2 years old, had a few cracks and I wanted to do something nice for her since she sticks around sometimes through our bullshit.
(yes it sounds dumb considering the prior sentence) I give her the iPhone mini and when she opens it she says “It’s kinda small” and my heart just felt a shock, no thank you, no hug, no kiss, just a criticism of the phone size? (Trying to give more context sorry) I got her clothes for her BD and she started going on about the different colours I should’ve gotten instead,again no thank you, when I asked her about why she didn’t thank me, which just makes me sound so disingenuous about giving a gift, she says “I thought I said thank you, sorry baby thank you for the gift” I don’t want to be thanked for the gift but something just felt off because she criticized the gifts and it made me feel upset I don’t know why.

Now before you start a reply I feel like it’s necessary to know all details that can change the story. She was taken advantage of twice as a child by family members and she has a dad who is very hands off and her mom is in jail. So I take a lot of what she does and how she hurts me with just her being hurt from her past. A lot of people told me she isn’t my responsibility to heal or fix her, I didn’t listen I stuck with her.

So fast forward to now,she cut off her friend, not for me but her friend tried to make up more shit about me and got caught. Me and my gf improved ourselves a lot , no more abuse, we communicate a lot, and we’re fine.

The advice I’m seeking is, I feel like she is a lot to handle emotionally. She cries a lot, she still sometimes runs away when I try to talk to her about issues. She does snap a lot if she’s overwhelmed, the sex isn’t as frequent, and she gained weight which, I don’t care but all she does is complain and cry about her being fat. I wrote her a whole workout plan and she doesn’t use it. If she’s sick or something I tell her to make a appointment but instead she says “I will” and never does and then proceeds to complain the whole time we spend together. If she makes a mistake like getting angry at me, she’ll apologize but then does it again the next day. I have suggested she goes to Therapy because I feel stressed about her life when I have my own. She says she will go and never does. I love her but just feels like a job and not a friend/partner. I know me and her should’ve been broken up way before, I stayed and I’m happy I did. I just don’t know how to proceed now that I’m feeling stressed and overwhelmed.

I’m all over the place with info because I’m so lost, I’m sorry if it’s hard to read. I just feel overwhelmed,stressed, and when I tell her how I feel, she starts crying and then makes it about herself and then it feels like I’m being invalidated. I don’t know if I’m a good boyfriend or not and that’s not what I want to hear I just know in my heart I’m doing the right things but if I was… I wouldn’t feel how I do right now. I know I want to be with her because I know she has potential to become a great person. Our highs are high and our lows are low. I don’t know what I feel right now, I’m just seeking experience or advice on how to proceed. A LOT MORE STUFF IS MISSING BUT THIS IS THE MEAT OF IT, I WILL ANSWER ALL QUESTIONS AND IF I GET ENOUGH I WILL MAKE A PART TWO.

TLDR: My relationship feels like a job and is stressful and overwhelming. I feel invalidated constantly. I love her and I know she loves me. Sorry your gonna have to read the whole thing it’s too complicated to shorten. I’ll answer any questions you have though. Thank you for even reading or clicking on the post to help me.