My bf finds sex “too overwhelming sometimes” and I’m kinda at a lost with it.
He usually only seems to enjoy it towards the end and I feel like his main goal is to only make me finish. I noticed this when we first started having sex and he said he just found sex too overwhelming sometimes and he felt too many things were going on. I told him that if he ever found it too overwhelming that he could just tell me and we could stop.
He’s been saying things like “Are you done yet” ” Did you finish ” “Can we stop now” or ” Don’t you wanna take a break” ever since then. I tell him it’s okay and we can stop every time, but it’s not okay with me.
I don’t know how to put that in a not selfish way, but it’s just not. I feel so disappointed, not satisfied, sad, and frustrated every time this happens. I just want to it to be something we both enjoy, but I don’t know how to make him feel less overwhelmed.
How am I supposed to do that??
5 comments
I think sitting down and having a proper convo with him will help! Talk about what exactly it is that makes it too overwhelming. Sensory overload? Does he struggle with day to day stuff aswell?
Hes said there’s too much going on….. could you work on breaking sex down into smaller chunks? Like concentrating on foreplay so you’ve been focused on so that the sex then doesn’t need to last as long? Or would he use toys on you?
Sex doesn’t have to be centered around PIV so it’s working out a compromise that you’d both be happy with – which you’ll only get by communicating 🙂
Sounds to me that sex to him is not highly desired or unable to understand the emotional, psychological, and possible physical values involved. Im assuming both him and you are young, mid to late 20s, if not younger, so the mental constructs and understanding might not be as developed. Is this his first relationship which has physical limits involved?
> I feel like his main goal is to only make me finish
This seems to be the thing giving him anxiety, [this post](https://tichaz.com/2022/04/19/sex-anxiety/) will do him great but what I can say to you is something simple: while we’re talking about orgasms, absolutely do not pressure your partner or yourself to have an orgasm. First of all, this just isn’t realistic. And it just causes pressure and stress that just doesn’t have to be there.
> I just want to it to be something we both enjoy….
Exactly, but also the reason he is so overwhelmed – he is not sure how both of you can enjoy it. Look sometimes male desires for orgasm-to-order (“Are you done yet” ” Did you finish ” ) are often based on simple inexperience, poor technique, or embarrassment about not knowing what to do. [Teach him](https://tichaz.com/2022/01/10/female-101/), and he you will both be very grateful.
I think your boyfriend is broken and you need a new one
It looks like he is insecure and doesn’t believe he is entitled to enjoy sex.
He may benefit from knowing more ways to get you to orgasm (search for Kenneth Play on Pornhub and watch some instructional videos) since it looks like he is at the end of his witts.