I (33) recently joined my best friend (45) and her husband (40) as a sex partner. We all sat down before we started anything to discuss boundaries and expectations, including physical and emotional connections that would potentially arise. We discussed one-on-one sessions and how we would approach them, however last night we didn’t discuss that…
Last night, we were all having fun together and she had to step outside for a moment. Her husband and I were already naked and in bed so one thing led to another. She walked in and saw and I’m not gonna lie, I felt guilty like I had been caught red handed with her husband…I’ve discussed with her to make sure I didnt cross any lines, to which she has assured me I did not and she liked watching.
My dilema is that I’ve started catching feelings for her husband, and its obvious from his messages to me that he has for me as well. I look forward to his good morning messages and seeing him almost everyday, but I don’t want to cause any issues in their marriage as they are a phenomenal couple and love each other very much. I don’t really know what to do. I thoroughly enjoy spending time with them, both sexually and non sexually, and the last thing I want to do is lose their friendship. I don’t know if I should tell her what’s happeneing or just stand back for a little while and not participate. I’m not really sure what to do here, as this is very new territory for me. Any advice is welcome and appreciated.
4 comments
Open communication with EVERYONE is the only way forward. Respect for them and their marriage is paramount. That said, I’ve personally been fine with my wife having a FWB that became a boyfriend. So this may be a good thing for them – you need to talk about it.
Now, if the feelings are a threat, you just have to move on. But if they are open for a more polyamorous thing (i.e. feelings involved, not just sex), it may work for everyone.
If you are catching feelings, the best thing to do is go to her, one on one. If you keep going on this way and have feelings growing for her husband, you are breaking her trust.
Sit down and have that conversation with her. It might make her madder then hell, and back off. Or she might be comfortable enough to see where this all leads.
But as your the one growing feelings for her husband, you need to step up and tell her.
You might consider telling him that you feel like you need to emotionally get a little more buffer, so will only communicate with group messages where there are both included. I don’t think I would make a big deal about it, just like you told us you don’t want to come between them and want a little more separation to protect your heart and their marriage.
Spoke with my friend and she’s totally fine with everything that has happened and both are open to a poly relationship with me. Glad that’s straightend out. Thanks for yalls advice 🖤