hey, i have a huge problem with never shutting my mouth and everyone just knows that’s how i am until now. i started a new job and everyone treats me like they can’t talk to me. even in our morning convos about what we did the evening before. they will go around the room talking and asking questions and when it comes around to me i get interrupted and no one ever asks me any questions. i thought it was because i was the new kid on the block but it has been almost 6 months and nothing is getting any better. i was left out of a presentation about the stuff my branch of the business does and i was told by my supervisor it’s because i have a rambling problem. anyone have any thoughts on this???
33 comments
Think about what you’re going to say before you say it. Try to be as concise as possible. Practice makes perfect.
the way i learned to stop over sharing
“if you want stuff to last, keep it to yourself”
if you tell multiple people about someone or something those people (some) will wish you bad things, and bad energy throws good stuff off. learned that the hard way.
In work situations like that, less is more.
Let that be your mantra.
Practice speaking with clear, concise language and stick to “just the facts”.
These are coworkers, not your friends. Rambling or overly-detailed stories or explanations will not help your cause.
I like to pretend I’m in a sim game. Like observe what is happening and select what you want your avatar to do with the answer choices…. Idk it gets me outta my head.
I try to think “does what I have to say matter to situation now? Will it help anything? Is it relevant?” If not, I keep it to myself
I feel you man. I noticed i was doing the exact same thing to my friends and it wasn’t until i was just thinking about what we all talked. It was always me sharing and they barely share anything with me. But then i come to realise that it wasn’t that they weren’t sharing with me, it’s just that i was over sharing everything that happened compared to a few stories they share to me every now and then. From then on, when i talk i just assess how the conversion goes and keep it short.
I’m still learning to not overshare unintentionally but I’m guessing it eventually takes time.
Compulsive oversharing and talking too much could be a sign of ADHD, if you get diagnosed, medication may help.
Daily meditation will help you a lot as well. It takes 3 days to start noticing a difference.
yeah, slow down and practice intentionality. Slow down. Remember, going faster does not mean going farther. Before you open your mouth, listen. Think about what was said – if a lot of things were said, don’t be afraid to take notes about what you wanted to say before interrupting the speaker. And after slow and careful review, pick the wisest and most relevant love-based thing you want to say and say that. Everything else isn’t worth saying.
Think of what you are about to say. Draw a line right before what normally feels comfy. Learn about stoicism. Also watch charisma on command.
the moment I noticed a habit like that I immediately started focusing on whether the other person is interested, it was more of an insecurity thing than anything else but it gave me control, now I just have to notice either me rambling or them being disinterested, the feeling of me rambling is unique, it’s like a tireless fatigue, it doesn’t make sense logically, it’s just like a pressured feeling that you don’t feel tired with. And this is what I usually perceive before I stop myself from rambling.
Speaking from personal experience as someone who has already made a mess of their workspace by not knowing when to shut up:
If someone asks you ANYTHING, give it a breath before you reply. Whether it’s pretending like you’re thinking or giving an “uhhh…”, don’t respond quickly until you know you’ve learned to keep it short. While you’re giving it a moment, think about how to answer in One. Simple. Sentence. If they want more info, they’ll ask. (Give people room to ask for more information.)
Second of all, if people don’t seem to enjoy talking to you, do not engage them. Don’t speak to them unless you absolutely have to, and keep it brief when you do. Save conversation for the people who actually seem curious about you as a person (and not just looking for gossip) or people who act like talking with you is an enjoyable experience. This may be absolutely no one at present, but if you learn to control your chatter, people may come around.
If you really want to explore the ideas in your head just to get it out of your system, just imagine how that conversation you wanted to have would have gone, and the response the other person might’ve had; hopefully it’ll be enough, and if it isn’t, try sharing it with a friend instead, but again, every person has limits to how much chatter they can take.
I’m still learning myself so good luck, hope this helps.
I think this is a maturity thing too, on top of what others have said. But in general just being cognizant of what you say will make future conversations easier to not have perpetual word vomit.
u/buckle_up_bucko
Looks like all the answers here align. It won’t be quick or easy, but practice being concise.
The best comment I saw said “these are your coworkers, not your friends”
Take a moment breathe people don’t mind waiting for 2 seconds for your answer but make it a good one. If you talk fast try to slow down and listen to what you are saying. It takes a lot of time and self awareness and reflection. it’s a skill that i am still trying to develop sometimes i lose the progress that i made and i have to put in extra effort.
Good luck!
listen to them as much as you possibly can
Think about it like this: Empty conversation is like empty calories. If they are not hungry, don’t feed them and specifically at work, all your exchanges needs to be nutritious and personalized to your diner- everyone has their preferences. Some people only eat at home and some rigorously watch their diet. If the conversation is to be only a light snack, time yourself. Let others choose the menu, too. It’s only fair.
What I learned from having a similar problem is to listen more than I talk. It’s better for you. You learn faster, people feel appreciated, they will begin to reciprocate and you acquire self discipline. Emotional maturity is a skill set. You have already mastered the first lesson which is understanding other people have needs, too. You can do this.
Four questions to always ask yourself.
Does it need to be said?
If so
Does it need to be said by me?
If so
Does it need to be said in this forum?
If so
Does it need to be said right now?
Finesse from there.
Honestly, get a therapist. Their job is to listen to you over share. When you have a place where you can get all that out, you’ll be less likely to have verbal vomit else where.
Worked for me.
So why do you think you do that? Are you desperate for attention? Are you trying to prove yourself? I think if you get at the root of the behavior it will correct itself
For me I stopped oversharing when I realized that I was doing it because I subconsciously thought my trauma was the only interesting thing I had to offer. Also traumabonding. Once I realized how manipulative men were using my oversharing to their advantage I stopped. I don’t define myself by my trauma anymore and I am much happier this way. Also lots of therapy lol.
Maybe try to talk to people about themselves instead of just yourself. Listen to what others have to say. It’s not all about you, ya know.
Yeah as I put it “I don’t talk a lot but I say too much” lol it’s hard. Is work the only place you’re really around people? That’s usually my issue. Just remember that you don’t KNOW these people you just know them, they don’t need the details lol
Stick to the facts the main point, no one really cares how you got there they just want the point. Practice this at home with friends, I am married to someone like this we practice at dinner all the time it has improved drastically.
Are you speaking because you have something to say, or are you speaking because you just have to say *something*?
Start being more mindful. If you were to say something, are you adding value, or just doing a word dump of whatever crosses your mind?
People are giving loose advice in this thread, here’s a concrete one. Practice the rule of 3. If you’re sharing more than 3 sentences for every one of someone else’s, you’re either drowning them out or more interested in the conversation than they are. Mentally count your sentences, stop every 3. Adjust if they’re keeping up their end of that conversation faster than that.
Also, get comfortable with sitting in silence. A lot of people who overshare can’t deal with the slight awkward pause after finishing saying something where people are deciding whether they should jump in next, so they fill that space with more words. Its ok if no one picks it up sometimes, and sometimes it’s ok if no one’s talking at all.
Focus harder on listening to the other person. If you let other people speak in a conversation for long enough, the urge to overshare will go away. It takes practice though. Just ask people more about themselves when you feel a compulsion to overshare.
Write. Get all those thoughts out of your head so they dont come bursting out at the wrong time.
There’s good advice in here but you need to ask yourself: why are you oversharing and rambling?
Is it because you feel awkward and don’t know what to talk about? Do you feel the need to keep speaking without pausing for some reason? Does it just feel more natural to speak that way to you?
You need to identify the root cause and you’ll be able to address it from there. I hope this helps and good luck!
Is there someone in the office or a former office (or even a friend) who seems a bit kinder — that you could ask for specific help? If everyone knows you’re an over sharer, they already know, right? Admit you have an issue and ask for specific advice. You may find that the issue is more nuanced. For example, I’ve known some oversharers who are close talkers, sound patronizing because they assume they’re the only ones who’ve thought about an issue, gossip, are too negative in their approach. You get the idea.
Before I got diagnosed last year with adult ADD I had the exact same problem and it made socializing very exhausting.
Like you said, I just could not shut the fuck up lol. Reading books on ADD, plus therapy (and a mood stablizer) helped most of my symptoms. Currently I’m off the med and am able to be aware of it all which is key for me.
So, any experience with ADD/HD?
I suppose I’m on the other side of this, where one of my biggest pet peeves is people who talk too much, especially about themselves, and ESPECIALLY when they don’t ask questions or show interest in others.
You’ve already solved the major hurdle, which is self-awareness. You know you do it, so stop doing it. Practice giving concise answers.
Do you ask questions and show interest in others? Well, start doing that if you don’t. Become a good listener. Don’t just wait for your turn to talk—actually listen.
This is the way.
Simple one compared to the others but do you drink a lot of coffee or like a drink/alcohol? I find I’ll say whatever is on my mind without thinking if my anxiety is higher than normal.
Like people less/hold them in less esteem – they are very likely- even if you think they’re the right person to get you, 99 percent not get you or WORSE, COMPLETELY misperceive everything you say.