Ex-people-pleasing women of Reddit, why and how did you start putting yourself first?

11 comments

1. Realizing that people did nothing for me. i would ask them for something and they would find a excuse. I had to change my mindset. Me first.

2. I always felt like I needed to go out of my way to be overly kind and overly helpful and for what??? I got taken advantage of countless times and let down. I still want to help people when I can, but I’m not going overboard with it like I used to.

3. I’m actively working on stopping this. 2021 was eye-opening and made me realize that I needed to start saying “no’ and putting myself first.

4. [removed]

5. When my clinical anxiety hit rock bottom, I knew it was time to take care of my mental health. I started sleeping a full 8 hours, taking meds on time, got comfortable saying no to people when I needed to focus on myself. I started treating myself with basic respect.

   Some would say doing these things makes you egocentric, but I feel like I can’t be a good friend, partner, child, etc. if I don’t have a good mental headspace.

6. Currently working on this. I’ve been a people pleaser my whole life. I can’t drain myself anymore. I just turned 30 and I’m going to be selfish as fuck for a while.

7. I am still transitioning to putting myself first. Advice is welcome!
   (It’s so hard!)

8. It gets easier to stop people-pleasing when you realize how exhausting and uncomfortable it is to constantly act in that direction. You owe yourself the same comfort that you’ve been trying to give to others.

9. It’s tiring af

10. I’m just going to throw this out there there is a difference between being people pleasing putting yourself 1st and just being an asshole so like you have to acknowledge that line because yes you need to take care of yourself but like if you have kids or something akin to it they didn’t ask to be born you’ve got obligations towards them that oftentimes have to super seed what you want simply simply because you know they are relying on you to live and function and you know not die so yeah putting yourself 1st is a good thing take care of yourself but you gotta find a balance

11. When I found out the reason I was people pleasing and what it meant for me as a person. Also therapy helped a lot to understand why the people pleasing habit formed (childhood trauma) and how I put myself first (self awareness, feeling my feelings and the discomfort of saying “no”).
    As for