I 23(f) have only ever been with one guy. This same guy in still with going on 3 years. Ive never thought id ever date or think about marring someone who is litterally my bestfriend. Everything is amazing except our sex.its not bad but its isnt amazing either. Just tents to run boring. But im pretty sure its me. I dont know now to be confident at all in the bedroom, Or a bit sexy.ive always felt i dont know bad when ive felt sexy so i just kinda straied away from it. I alway assumed sex would come easy just as the relationship but it doesnt when i have zero ounce of sexiness in me. And i would just love some tips on how to be more sexy and assertive in the bedroom.
Trust hes tried to tell or teach me but ive always felt bad or a burden when he does. its always been a triggering topic for me and i just want to be able to be sexy for not just him but me too.
3 comments
Yea, I get your reluctance. First, you have to make sure you create a safe space for sex. You obviously seem to have that, so that shouldn’t be an issue. Next, I’d honestly say that you should maybe communicate with your partner about this. Be honest with him, and I’m sure he’ll be considerate towards your needs, as a good partner would do. Tell him about your fears, your frustrations, and well, your overall desire for a better sex life. Obviously, there are many ways to be sexy in the bedroom, but that all roots from your confidence. I think that having great confidence helps, and that it needs to be built. You could try dirty talking with him, try wearing sexy clothes, giving him sly hints, sexting, giving him his favorite foods, etc. I think the most important thing however, is to not feel bad. There’s nothing wrong with sex. Sex is a good thing. It really deepens the bond and connection between people, and allows them to express their love. A core component to sex is that it’s a safe and happy environment for both people. Work with your partner in ensuring that it is a safe environment, be adventurous, creative, try new things, and just enjoy the experience together. I’m wishing you the best, and I hope this helps!
What turns you on? What turns him on? Have you discussed this? If not, do it! If you have, start to explore options within what you’ve discussed. If you’re worried about feeling embarrassed, try to let it go, if he’s the right kind of person to be with you’ll both laugh it off and it’ll soon be nothing.
It might feel awkward at first but it’ll get easier pretty quickly if it’s a hit (turn on) and you’ll find your stride.
If it’s something like dirty talk, try sexting first to ease into it. It’s difficult to know exactly what **does** turn you on before having a go, but most people know what definitely **wont** turn them on, so get those no-goes out of the way first. You can use the sexting to narrow it down further. When you work up to vocalizing during sex, more will eventually come to you.
If it’s more of a physical kind of sexy you want to be, depending on what it is you may want to consider establishing a safe word in addition to boundaries to make sure you feel secure or it’ll be too nerve wracking to really be enjoyable.
Ah I know how you feel since I’ve been with one man as well. I’m interested to see what responses you get on this topic