My dad had a total hip replacement 4 days ago and has been refusing to do his post op care requirements as well as refusing to go to sleep until late at night around 3am. Today he has started walking down the long driveway with his 70lb puppy, who is incredibly strong and not fully leash trained yet. He is very stoic, angry, and essentially refusing to be disabled.
He refuses to get up and walk for 10 minutes every hour and instead does it when he feels like it. He refuses meds until the pain spikes, against the advice of his docs/PT. He refuses to do his PT exercises. He refuses to move his body the way he was instructed and instead twists and crosses over himself to stand up. He refuses to put the ice packs on the incision. He is a tobacco smoker and he refuses to do his spirometer every 10 minutes, but will do it once every 1-2 hours ONLY if told to do it. He’s moving around so fast and trying to do as many normal things as possible and gets immensely angry when he can’t do it the same way. He refuses to ask for help and rarely accepts it. He almost fell over trying to put his shoes on yesterday instead of asking for help, fortunately I was right there and caught him.
This is clearly a mental health issue as he is extremely angry and taking it out on my mom when she tries to get him to follow his protocol. I am very concerned for his safety as he has shown no desire whatsoever to take care of his new hip.
So, insightful men of Reddit, if this was your dad or loved one, what would you tell them to help them through this and follow post op protocol?
tl;dr Dad had total hip replacement 4 days ago and refuses to follow post op protocol while also doing dangerous activities. He is very angry and refuses to listen to anyone. What would you say to him to help set him straight?
16 comments
You could try telling him he’s acting like a child that refuses to eat his veggies. Might humiliate him into following through with the task. I’d use that as a last resort if the advice from other people that are smarter than me doesn’t work.
Just thank him for being there for all of you all the time and ask him to take care of him self cause you all love him.
Do it as sincerely as you can and whatever he says keep calm and accept it.
And don’t you ever boss him around or just tell him he must do this or that.
Don’t offer help unless he asks for it instead ask him for help.
Try these out.
I hope he will get well soon.
As for his leg as long as his surgery place is not getting more red or becoming more swollen and there is no fever or any fluids coming out of his wound He will probably be okay.
If you think he’s refusing to be handicapped, maybe point out to him that avoiding his PT and recovery needs will almost guarantee that he ends up handicapped.
Maybe explain that while the post op may suck, it is (im assuming) temporary while he heals. But if he half-asses it, it can only get worse to the point where the leg is nothing but several pounds of dead and painful weight that no doctor will be able to do jack shit about. That he’ll spend the rest of his life on a couch/in a chair/in bed having to beg someone else to get anything out of range of the little grabber stick.
Your mileage may vary on this as im speaking from a “tough love” mindset and i know nothing about him. If hes got aby hobbies that require walking or standing, maybe remind him that those will be gone completely.
Ive had a similar issue with my diabetic/high cholesterol mother who routinely refuses to eat the right kinds of foods amd to whom I’ve had to say a few things that might cause others to think im a monster.
As a nurse who’s dealt with many total hip replacements and hip repairs, I’m sorry to say if he’s this damn stubborn he’s not going to get his act together. Some people refuse to give up their pride and it always bites them in the ass. Being stubborn does not help or heal, it makes the problems worse. I’d follow the advice of some of these other comments, but honestly don’t be surprised if he winds up back in the hospital needing another surgery. When they’re this damn stubborn they usually need to learn the hard way.
Female here….
Has he always been a stubborn one?
Try to look at this from a different perspective. He is likely really struggling internally with the prospect of losing his independence. So he’s fighting it. He’s faced with his aging body failing him and it’s hard. Nobody wants to accept that they are moving toward dependence on others to care for them, and ultimately the end of their life.
I don’t know how old your parents are, but I’m guessing they’re middle aged or more.
This is a tough stage of life.
Yeah, it sucks to watch him behave this way, and potentially need another surgery, but what he’s going thru probably has little to do with his hip.
I could be wrong, but usually this is the case. If you have the kind of relationship with him that you can open up a conversation about it, talk to him and see what happens.
Not sure that he can be helped. He is throwing his body and physical abilities away. His hip will not heal properly and if he thinks this is driving him nuts, wait until he has to get a revision and then he could be without proper use of the effected leg. You only have a limited time to introduce range of motion, strength and flexibility. Once that window closes, it’s closed. I’ve had THR and you must be diligent for a short period of time. It’s crucial. If he can’t see that, I’m afraid there’s little that can be done without surgical tools.
Get him some rollerblade’s. Show him [this](https://youtu.be/eMdwjZ9t3WY)
If he’s still seeing a PT, let them know whats going on and let them deal with your Dad. If they’re good, they’ll try to come up with a plan your Dad can buy into. That doesn’t mean he will, however. Good luck!
This is all too real a struggle for me right now – my dad is doing the same thing, but his is a life or death situation.
Fuck him. If he is too stupid or stubborn to do proper post care, thats his fault not yours.
My dad’s going through the same thing with his reverse shoulder replacement. I’m just glad I don’t have to live with him. He’s going to F it up and have to go through it again probably. Maybe he’ll do what he’s supposed to the second time around.
Well … unfortunately, he will probably pay for his obstinance. If he put off the surgery for a while, his muscles will have atrophied and PT and exercise are the only solution. Following the 3 main rules are imperative, so as not to pop the hip out. Don’t want another surgery.
Everyone is different – some don’t go to PT and do fine. I went to PT for 8 weeks, then joined an exercise class – still attending 5 years later. You can’t change obstinance … you can lead a horse to water, but …he will decide when and if he wants to get better. My Ortho doc just told me there are a million hips replaced every year in the US. The Boomer business is booming! I also have a titanium knee, which are more painful, and will be getting the other one done in a few months. Knees are outpatient now!
When he decides he wants to feel better, he will do his PT, All you can do is be there for him.
You take the dog of his hands for a fortnight. You tell him
If the dog pulls you over you will be back to square one. Think before you act you friggin retard ( my dads words spoken straight back to him)
all you could do is gently remind him of the consequences of his own stubbornness. You can continuously encourage if you need but I would also look into his insurance and see if he can get a home care provider, even if it’s for a couple of hours.
sometimes if you have a handful of people reminding him over and over again, it will help motivate.
you can only be so responsible for another person, if they refuse to participate in their own health, they will pay the consequence.
Why did he have the surgery in the first place if he isn’t going to listen to his medical team?