I don’t know if this belongs here but it is effecting my marriage and relationship with my husband. My husband has a child the age of 6 and after 6 years of me taking care of my husbands son, doing all of the communication with the other parent, lawyers, taking care of the child, tending to the child, making the father go to all the childs functions when they came up even tho he whined about them etc. all of a sudden one day he decides to step up and did a total 360 and I’m now feeling shoved out of the equation … We have never had a good co-parenting relationship with the mother, we’ve been to court several times where she tried to take the child from us (wasn’t successful because of my communications with the lawyer and all proof I had) the mother as been very facetious and has talked horribly to I and my husband not only privately but in public and social media. She has physically attacked my husband numerous times and constantly called him a POS. I’ve voiced my emotions to him and how I’m feeling and he’s now making statements like “I’m acting jealous” or he “thinks there is more to the way I’m feeling than I’m giving off”.
I’m more than happy they’re getting along now and I’m not having to do as much but now I’m not being told about things and just being left out completely – I no longer do anything for the child because he has taken me out of the picture when it comes to communicating with the mother, Daycare, finances for the child, even tending for the child at home has been extremely different. Someone help me understand how to take this or where to go with this. I feel like the child is being taken from me because I’m no longer a part of anything all of a sudden after 6 years. I’m coming to a breaking point of where this is effecting me dramatically inside and I’m in a very uncomfortable state of mind off our relationship and don’t know how much more I’m willing to take on. I understand this is his duties and he should had been doing this all a long but to take me out of the picture when it comes to the child without any warning or talking to me at all feels very wrong after all that I’ve done. I’m feeling very unappreciated and sad.
We do have a child of our own together as well and been together since the child above was between 2-4 months old.
7 comments
It makes me wonder if your husband and his ex have reconciled for him to do a 360.
You need to have this exact conversation with him. Make your points slowly and have him repeat them to you if you’re unsure he’s following what you’re saying. Tell him it’s insulting to have invested as much as you have in the child over the past six years to be shut out now. It’s unacceptable and you have to let him know this. There could be more going on, but you deserve to know that as well.
Or the ex was resentful he had subcontracted out his parenting duties to a stranger and now that he has stepped up she respects him. Its amazing how many people will find someone to take over being the primary parent after their divorce from the original primary parent. Dad has zero idea about doctor appts, report cards, etc but step mom does because bio mom always did those things before and she is filling in that space for dad instead of dad filling it in. Sorry OP but its about time he lived up to the title. Try therapy for yourself. You had to make your husband go to functions for his kid. Why did you find that attractive? You have some inner work to do to find out why you chose a disinterested parent as a partner.
A lot of men don’t feel a connection with very small children and leave parenting of babies and toddlers to their wives. As the kid becomes more independent, the men see more of a role. Maybe this is the case in your blended family. I would learn to enjoy your release of some of your responsibilities
Think of specific asks:
“Can I attend all of child’s baseball games with you?”
“Can I take child to school every Monday?”
“Can we make group decisions about child’s weekend activities?”
If he says yes to all of your asks you may have no problem at all!
What’s missing from your post is the reason why.
How did they coparent before you came along? Maybe to get to a positive coparenting with his ex he realized he needed to step up and have you step down. This is their kid and your husband should have been the one to communicate and do the parenting when he is in his home instead of you.
Why does it bother you? Is he not taking care of the child he has with you? It seems like you aren’t happy unless he is at odds with his ex so you can fix things. If you care about your step son you should be happy his parents are getting along and that your husband is actually taking care so you don’t have to.