So I [F19] have been in an on and off relationship with this guy [M42] and yesterday, I completely flipped out. His laptop is filled with porn videos of all kinds of just Asian women (I’m Asian) and it seems like a fetish at this point. He is heavily into the ddlg community and I’ve tried to be reasonable and understand it’s a kink and all but the porn on his laptop was just so unbelievable. It didn’t even feel right because most of the women looked like they weren’t even women so I was obviously disturbed.
I confronted him about it and he told me that it’s just porn and that I’m making a big deal out of it but I just cant get over the whole situation. He took it so far as to rant to his female best friend and she was telling me that I’m unreasonable. He constantly tells me that his friends don’t like me and that I’m judgmental because I’ve refused to do many of his kinks like ddlg and feederism (I was suffering from an eating disorder at the time so I explained that he couldn’t do it with me )
Hea asked for a polygamous relationship multiple times and I’ve agreed but whenever it comes to me doing things with other people then there’s a problem. What do I even say to him about all of this?
6 comments
First question : how long have you known this guy?
Second thing: it is all dependent on your view of porn and how it works in your relationship. If you don’t like it then make that known. If you don’t mind it but don’t wanna know (the less I know the better type mentality) then make that known. If you like it then make that known. I guess mainly evaluate your view on porn and see how you feel!
Third thing: he has asked for polygamy but when you do it he gets mad? Leave. He wants to sleep with other people but doesn’t want you to. He wants the green light for lack of commitment and wants you to be tied to him. It’s not a fair balance.
Honestly he sounds toxic as all get out and like he is addicted to porn (instead of having a healthy view of it, or a not addiction to it) and that you fit his fetish but not enough to be faithful. He sounds old and creepy and like you are right at the barely legal age (I’m a 22f) and it just screams red flags to me. I’m sorry you’re in this situation. He seems sketchy and like he is not worth your time ! I suggest you ask him what he wants out of this relationship and be prepared for gaslighting and bargaining. Then if you keep him, expect him to be good for a week then backslide hard.
But that’s just my two cents. I wish you luck OP
My advice would be to walk away. Not only has he gotten defensive about it when you’ve made it clear that it bothers you, and explained why, he’s gone and brought someone else into the relationship dynamics to support his stance. Further alienating you and your feelings. This does not feel like an emotionally safe relationship for you from the little that you have disclosed, and I’d be willing to bet there’s more you haven’t shared. You deserve someone who values your feelings, and who will work to make sure you not only feel comfortable but safe in the relationship.
I don’t think you’re making a big deal out of it. The guy sounds like a narcissist and that’s not what you want. Better to leave him now and not look back than be even more hurt in the future. There are plenty of kings out there that will treat you like a queen
Nothing.
You just leave and pretend he doesn’t exist.
It is a fetish and you are his fetish, he’s 42 and you’re 19 you probably fit his Asian school girl fetish
He is over twice your age, has a lot of porn, and wants to mess around but is controlling to you. He is taking advantage of you and sees you as his fetish object. Run