I’m not talking about arranged relationships/marriage. That is obviously a bad practice. I always thought this is just a way for parents to get rid of their children as soon as possible (especially if the kid just turned 18) or have a better social status/maintaining it and so many reasons I can’t tell right now.
But is it wrong for parents just to search for potential partners for their kids? Now, if they are expecting their kid to date them as soon as they get introduced, that’s wrong. But if the parents know that their kid (eighter if their kid is a minor or an adult) is looking to be in a relationship and want to help them, does that crosses the boundaries? I think it would be a good thing for a parent if they notice someone that would be a good match for their kid to go to their kid and say “You know, I saw this person that has the same hobbies as you, and I do think it would be nice to meet each other.”, although I’m not sure and I want to see others thoughts on this. But what about if the parents are searching, not noticing and telling their kids, searching for potential partners is that wrong?
I’m not in a situation like this. I just want to hear your thoughts.
tl;dr: I don’t know if is ok for parents to search for a partner for their kids as long as they don’t expect him to go with it.
2 comments
No, it’s not wrong. It is however a bit irregular and may lead to some problems later down the line, such as the kid feeling not good enough to find a partner themselves and such, or feeling that their parents are treating them as a little child who can’t live their own life.
I think it depends on your culture first of all. But from a western stand point the key is in whether or not the parent is exerting control over the situation.
For example, it’s one thing to say “hey I met this person I think you’d like, would you be ok with me setting you up on a coffee date so you can see for yourself?” Verses “hey I met this person I think will be a good partner for you so I said you would call them for a date/ I booked you for a dinner together/ I invited them to X event so you can meet/ etc.
Hopefully you see the difference? One situation is more respectful to the child as their ow. Person/adult. The other is more taking a leader/parent role in the persons relationship. This is not great as it sets the scene for the person always deferring to their parent to “fix” their relationship issues or to lead them and doesn’t really allow them to take full accountability for their own choices.
Relationships don’t always work out, whether chosen by you or not. But it’s hard to act in a mature adult way about something not working out, if you feel like you never chose it and it was forced upon you. At least if you know you chose and made a conscious decision, you can accept responsibility and move forward.