So I did some thinking about my past relationships and concluded that they were mostly confusing, yet I do not know why. The guys I dated were not emotionally unavailable, if they were it would have been actually easier for me because I would feel clear about what they want and how they will act. However the ones I met were very confusing, they would act like they want to know me and as if we are in a relationship but in the end would not commit, and is also not like they were not sexually inexclusive. We were exclusive and did everything that any gf and bf would do together, the guys mostly did not want labels. If they would openly say they want something polyamorous or casual they could have told me but it wasn’t that, they just seemed to be scared of committing. I never pressed them to commit but later knowing their fear it disincentivized me to invest in whatever shallow relationship we had. Frankly it was hard because I did not know how much I can open to them, it would just end up as a shallow unfulfilling relationship. Overall quite confusing.
The more I think the more I realize that they are not emotionally unavailable people, I perhaps gave off a vibe that I am not an easy person to commit to, I don’t want to be hard on myself but I have somewhat came to that conclusion. Or other reasonable reasons would be that these guys were not fboys they were just not ready for a serious relationship. If they were true fboys they would go date someone simultaneously but that did not happen and I told them they can if they want but they did not acknowledge it.
So these experiences made it difficult for me to date again I don’t think I am comfortable with confusing situationships or dating style, and have the feeling that the potential of someone sticking around is kind of low. If the possibility is so low then logically it seems like a waste of time to invest in getting to know someone and spending time with a person? I don’t know if anyone came to some similar conundrum.