I’ve known this great guy for 2 months and 16 days. We live near each other which helped to make hanging out together easily. We felt so close like we’ve known each other for so long. We’ve made a lot of memories in a short period of time. 27 days ago I decided let’s make it official. I just got out of a 2 year relationship recently. 1 week ago I heard a rumor that I cheated that is why my ex and I broke up which is so not true. I got so mad because I was so depressed during the last month of that relationship and even after the break up. What hurts me more is that I knew it from someone close to me and that person believed it. I messaged my ex of course I’m mad, I said bad things. And he explained he didn’t spread the story. And I believed him. For a week I’ve been feeling guilty of saying things to my ex and feeling guilty for entertaining a new person after a month of the break up. What the rumors said got into my head. I felt so bad and guilty, as a result I’ve been thinking about my ex, which made me even more guilty because I have a new boyfriend. I remembered what I’ve been through also after the break up, the pain. Remembering what I’ve been through I suddenly got scared to be in that situation again plus my new boyfriend will leave in a few months for work. I will be in an ldr relationship again just like my last one.
Untill 3 days ago. I received an apology from the person who I knew this rumor from. And i suddenly felt so okay. I was like that’s it, that’s what I needed to be okay, I don’t have unfinished/ unbanished feelings for my ex I was just feeling bad and guilty. And I don’t have to feel guilty because I don’t have feelings for my ex. But now I’m still left with the feeling like I don’t want to be in a relationship yet. I’m scared of another heartbreak. The thought of him leaving for work and me not being able to run to him when I need him or miss him is just unbearable. And our relationship is a lot more complicated. There’s a huge age gap between us. To think about it he can actually settle and marry in few years or even live in but me? I’m still studying. Let’s say 5 more years to study, work, and enjoy.
And right now I feel like I don’t want to be in a relationship yet. I want to focus on finding happiness on my own. Being in a relationship feels like a chore to me specifically right now during our finals. But I don’t wanna lose him he really is a great guy and I like him. I love him. I don’t wanna lose him. But wanting him to be around and be available when I am ready, is just so selfish. He could meet a lot of better girls near his age which will actually make it easier for him because our relationship really is complicated, our parents don’t even know, it’s a secret too, and he can’t even bring me to dates because our age gap is an issue. He can’t show me off. We can’t be seen together by people who knows us specially older people.
Tl;Dr: I feel like I’m not ready for a relationship rn but I don’t want to lose this Gold, and can’t imagine him being with someone else and know I will miss him. What should I do?
5 comments
Sorry, but you can’t eat your cake and have it too. Do this guy a favor and break it off.
Sounds like you have feelings for your ex
I just posted something similar to this situation I myself don’t want to be in a relationship with my current girlfriend anymore. My advice is if you aren’t ready for the relationship you shouldn’t be in one. I get it’s hard to do but a relationship you want to give it your all and if you’re thinking like this the relationship has little chances to survive. How long was your breakup before you got into this new relationship?
So this dude refuses to be seen in public with you because your age gap is that big? Friend, you’d be doing yourself a favor if you broke it off.
Ya let him go he doesnt need that shit