Looking for advice. I can tell my judgement is clouded.
We’ve had a pretty casual relationship for 3 years. Casual meaning we haven’t told anyone or met each others friends. However, we both agreed to exclusivity. We do everything a committed couple does. We are deeply connected. Soul ties.
When we get into arguments (distance for days or even weeks), he reaches out to other women. Usually just flirting over social media. He says it’s because he has low self esteem and needs affection and attention.
I don’t find out about these messages until we are in a much better place, and it just ruins everything all over again. Most recently, he was entertaining a woman (through text) who expressed serious interest in him. He says he is not interested at all and I do believe him, but again he’s dishonest about who he’s talking to and what he’s doing. He’s met up with this woman for food and movies. He recently admitted to sleeping with her while we were “in a bad place” last year.
I’ve cut him off for good, but we literally can’t stay away from eachother. He’s been completed honest (now that I’ve found out) and answers all of my questions. His effort tells me he loves me but his actions are completely unacceptable. I’ve not strayed in the 3 years, yet he always has an excuse for why he has. He says he thinks I’ve cheated, that I don’t love him, that when we argue he thinks it’s over for good.. even when we make up every time. It’s exhausting.
I don’t know what the right move is. He definitely has issues, and it doesn’t feel fair to give up because of that. But this is starting to affect my wellbeing and mental state.
Thanks in advance for any insight, opinions, advice!
3 comments
He’s not being honest. It sounds like he’s never been honest. He cheats on you when you fight and blames it on his self esteem? I call BS. He’s an adult. If he wanted to work on his self esteem he’d go to therapy. Instead, he wants to have his cake and eat it too. You can try to lay some expectations that he’ll stop doing this but I don’t think it’ll work. Dump him, block him, and say good riddance to bad rubbish. You should also consider therapy to address why your self esteem is so bad that you think you deserve to be treated like this
This sounds very similar to my situation with my ex, so I say get out now because before you know it, it’ll be 12 years later (like it is in my case) and you’ll still be dealing with the exact same bullshit.
if someone isn’t good for your well-being and mental health, then you need to stop talking to them. love isn’t enough sometimes.