So I (20 F) broke up with my ex bf (20M) a few hours ago and I really need to get over it soon because I have a midterm in 3 days.
Reasons I broke up:
-over the past few weeks, he constantly displayed selfish behaviour (never helped me with anything (example, i have 3 heavy grocery bags, he has 0, refuses to carry any of it and gets mad at me for asking despite me being weaker than him)), ignores everything I say or laughs at everything I say, takes a long time to respond.
-And several weeks before he told me that he doesnt want to be around me when im upset and hates it when I rant and constantly telling me he thinks im not skinny enough, despite the fact that my bmi is literally a 20.
-despite me giving him the world: he called me at 4am to walk to his house (20min away) to help him sleep so I did. I deliver him bubble tea almost everytime I’m there. I listen to all his rants. I make voicemails everyday talking about how much I love him. I let him have sex with me whenever he wants + I buy the condoms. Then completely ignores this and calls me selfish + expects my gifts (expects me to give him sex/bubbletea/pay for everything all the time)
-MAIN REASON: He said no matter what I do, despite the fact that he loves me, is that he will always want to date other girls to see if they’re better than me.
It hurt so much to break up with him but I was super unhappy and I don’t want to be with someone who literally wants to date other girls.
Despite him being mean all today, once I said let’s break up his behaviour was 180 and he was for the first time willing to walk all the way to my house to tell me how much he loves me. I told him as long as he wants to date other girls i cant date him. And he still said he wanted to date other girls… it was the first time since we first started dating that he was so nice to me i couldnt stop crying because it’s too late.
I have a midterm in 3 days and I’m screwed since this has been bothering me for a few days.
Any tips to focus on the midterm and not him for the short timebeing?
Any tips in general to get over him?
8 comments
Focus on the fun you can have in your time, the people you can meet etc. Don’t focus on not thinking about him. Focus on the things you should think about. After a few days you’ll see that you life is better if you don’t have him and all the things you had to do for him.
You were dating a narcissist. You are going to have withdrawals, but it will get better. You did the right thing. And for the midterms just try your hardest, I have been there. Make sure you have no contact with him so you can concentrate.
Sounds like you did the right thing…
Any man who drinks bubble tea should be single 🤣
On a serious note, it gets easier. Take it one day at a time.
Use this time to refocus your energy and life , do thinks you enjoy. Build yourself confidence back up with self love.
I’ve been there too – stay strong! I know it can be hard to focus on school after a breakup. Give yourself a day to really unwind, and then try your best to channel the feelings from the breakup into studying. Don’t be too hard on yourself and make sure you get enough rest. It’s ok to not study continuously the next 3 days because you will be less productive this way. Meditate, go on walks, journal, eat healthy, sleep well. You can do it!
Just read this as many times as need to knock some sense in your young head.
Try to read this as it’s happening to someone else – what oppinion u would have of that “couple”? U won’t have compliments for sure.
wow you are a great girlfriend. He really doesn’t deserve you. Surround yourself with friends and family. Pursue your hobbies, do sports. It takes a while but it gets easier with time.
The thing is, breakups are not easy. It takes time to heal from it and get through these feelings. Just know that you breaking up with him was a REALLY good decision judging from what you said about him. I know it hurts, but if he doesn’t value you and your efforts, it’s not worth being with him. Don’t give people more of what they already don’t appreciate. You will find someone who adores what you are and what you do for them.
I’ve had two very messy, violent break ups with exes during final exams. So I completely empathize with how challenging it can be to focus.
He sounds incredibly selfish and him suddenly being “nice” when you break up doesnt really mean anything. It’s pretty expected with (as another commenter noted) narcissists. They can be very charming but if you fall for it, their behavior won’t change and will actually likely get worse- as they take you staying as you condoning their actions, and will keep pushing to see how shitty they can treat you.
Anyways, remember that your education is a privilege, and something that will enrich your life and lay the foundation for your future. You can absolutely be upset about this break up and still crush midterms. Pull strength from deep down, block and ignore him, and do your best in school. You’ll realize soon how much better you deserve from a partner and thank yourself for sticking to your commitments. Good luck on your exams!