I’m (23F) in a loving, amazing relationship (with a 22F. I am Bi) (we are open, with rules that we can’t see whoever we sleep with more than for the duration of a month) and I have just started sleeping around.

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Literally have seen/slept with this guy one time and I’m riding the high of having a new hookup all week. Why does this happen to me? I don’t want a relationship with him, but I am feeling so “accomplished” for having done this and want to see him multiple more times/longer than our month long rule despite having been with this ONCE. Does anyone have any insights into why this is?? The hookup was average at best – I didn’t finish but the experience was respectful and we had good conversation beforehand. I obviously have better sex with my partner where I finish and its more passionate etc.

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In reflection I think it might be for the following reasons, but does anyone have ways to combat this from happening?

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I am successful in other things in my life but my dating/social life hasn’t been as exciting as I thought it would be when I was 12 and watching romcoms. I’ve been in 2 relationships and slept with 5 or so people in total. I haven’t slept around a lot. My partner is a girl rn and she is my first. The rest are men and I’ve probably only had sex with men 15 times. I think I want sex with men to prove myself to society/boost my confidence of sorts. But why I do I want this?? and how do I work through it??

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As mentioned before, I want cis male validation/proof that I am good at straight sex since my first few experiences with it were less than validating and it was hard to find other people to sleep with to validate me after which. I’d say the last 2 men I slept with were more validating so maybe I am addicted to it now?

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I don’t want these feelings to ruin my relationship since I want to be with her, but I can’t help but want to sleep with these men for longer than a month. I just know that’ll get me into sketchy territory of obsessing over them like I have when I was single and constantly getting hurt over FWBs.

2 comments
  1. NRE – new relationship energy, is just a fact of life

    Enjoy it while it lasts.

    It is frequently discussed in r/swingers , r/openmarriage , r/polyamory …

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