I have major anxiety about having sex because I always worry I’m bad at it — please please send tips, tricks and help

40 comments

  1. If you enjoy it and you communicate your enjoyment you can’t be bad dont worry too much and listen to your instincts

  3. Enthusiasm, literally you can be a novice in bed and it doesn’t matter what you look like if you have the right enthusiasm towards sex.

  4. What makes a girl good in bed?

    – Passion

    – Spontaneity

    – Interest and Creativity

    All of these and more will come to you instantaneously when you LIVE IN THE MOMENT and partake in what is going on without hesitation and without any doubts or concerns.

    Be yourself! 🙂

  5. Enthusiasm. Open communication. Not being afraid of awkwardness or failure! It’s not the end of the world if something embarrassing happens. Sometimes someone farts, or queefs, or your sweaty stomaches stick together and make a fart noice. Sometimes you want to try something, and it doesn’t work or feel very good. Having the confidence to try, and possibly fail, that’s the key.

    Know yourself, and learn about him. Know how you can orgasm (if you’re able to) and what you like, explore yourself. If not familiar, look at a diagram of the clitoris and read up on Coital Alignment Technique. Learn about male anatomy too, know which parts of the penis are most sensitive (glans, frenulum) and how to stimulate them correctly (gently, with lube/wetness). Know all the basic stuff. This subs FAQ is really good. And then know that everybody is different and individual and you always have to learn what this particular partner likes.

    Giving good head: enthusiasm. Enough wetness. Not pushing your limits, finding a good position and angle where both are comfortable. I don’t deep throat, I hate gagging, so I always keep a hand at shaft, to prevent going too deep. Soft eye contact. Twirling tongue around the rim. I think the most important part is enthusiasm, and starting slowly. Men like foreplay too. Like kissing all around their body before going between legs. Teasingly kissing and licking pubic mound, scrotum and the base. Try to make love to their body, show adoration through touch. It’s usually well received. Some like it rougher, sure, but they can tell you to go rougher. Always start gentler and slowly use more pressure or go faster.

    Knowing how to ride is good too. Especially knowing how to ride yourself to orgasm, men usually like that show. Kneeling, not squatting, and grinding, not big motion.

    One thing I like to mention is pompoir. It’s the art of milking the penis with vaginal muscles. It’s like doing Kegels during sex but so much more. It does take time and effort to learn, but besides the obvious point of men loving it, it comes with benefits to the woman too. It increases blood flow, and sensations down there, and it makes my orgasms fuller and bigger.

  6. Like most people are saying, genuine enthusiasm. If she’s excited, confident, ready to have FUN and can communicate that…that means the world.

    Also being open-minded, switching things up without being asked, and not being afraid to take control (or fight for control)

  7. i’m a woman but what separates good from bad sex is generally communicating and being able to deal with the awkward stuff that happens during sex. sometimes something doesn’t work or feel good. sometimes it works great or feels awesome. sometimes a weird noise happens cause you’re all sweaty or a queef happens. communicating with your partner and having them hear you tends to build a very safe and secure feeling while also helping them know what makes you tick. so the awkward moments are not a big deal and the sex is good.

    generally though, let go of your insecurities and just have fun. try new things on him to see what he likes. let him try stuff on you and be honest in your reaction if it feels good or not. there’s no need to lead him astray on what you like by faking pleasure. try to take control and see what happens. and if it’s awkward or bad, just laugh it off and go back to what works.

  8. The more confident you appear, the better. My girlfriend is very confident and she likes to take the lead which I love. She loves to start with a blowjob, and she loves to ride me which is my favorite position. I also love that she is verbal and moans while riding me.

  9. A willingness to enthusiastically try new things. When your partner asks to try something, don’t just say “yes”, say “Hell Yes!”

  10. To me, this all comes down to one thing: Take responsibility for your own pleasure and safety.

    Tell your partner what you like and what you don’t like. If you’re uncomfortable at any point, let them know. If you need lube, make sure you get it. If you’re concerned about STIs or pregnancy, protect yourself. If you prefer your partner to brush their teeth, tell them. If you want to change positions, do it. If your partner pushes your boundaries, don’t let them. If you want more foreplay, insist on it. If you want to stop, stop. If you want to know what feels good for them, ask.

    I like comparing it to eating at a restaurant: When we have dinner together, we don’t think that it’s our responsibility to feed our partner. They have to eat their food themselves. Yet going to dinner together can be a lot of fun. But if you’re overly concerned with feeding them, you might end up hungry yourself. Same with sex. If each person takes responsibility for their own pleasure, it’s basically guaranteed it will be amazing for both.

  13. To me, as a man. When I have sex with a woman who is relaxed, and having a good time being naked and completely open with me, wants to cum, and let’s herself go, making whatever noises, moans she wants. Oh my god it is amazing. I just LOVE being in the moment with a woman, it’s heaven. So, relax. Just breath, relax and be in the moment, IMO.

  14. Show some energy, passion, and initiative. The worst fucks have been from girls who are content on being a stiff board and taking it. Take charge, and command the situation. There is nothing hotter than when a woman grabs your cock and sticks it where she wants it.

  15. Enthusiasm. The genuine kind. As long as you are really into it, really love what you do, really into your partner and take real pleasure in the act, you’d be considered as good in bed. And the things that can be learned will come naturally.

    The catch is : you can’t really fake this shit. You can’t fake desire and enjoyment just to make him satisfied. I mean you can, but it won’t work, not really.

    It can’t be about him being pleased with you, but about your own pleasure, and about taking pleasure in giving him pleasure.

  16. The best memories I have of women is bed is making them cum, and them just enjoying it. Nothing hotter.

  17. Liking sex, liking to please, excited about your partner, and making sure he knows all three of those will go a LONG way. Like 90%.

    The rest is technique but a lot of that is unique to the individual partner, so ask what he likes and what feels good, and do more of that. Tell him what you like and what feels good, and do more of that. He will have more fun if you are having more fun. Promise.

    Oh, and sometimes grab his dick in your hand, give a gentle squeeze, open your eyes really wide and say something like “I *want* it!” or “Please put it in me?”, etc.

  18. Do your research on the areas that feel really good to a penis. For instance, on the under side of the head is a little spot I call the male clit- licking sucking touching that spot feels sooooo good. If you know where these areas are you will gain confidence immediately but be careful with power comes responsibly!

  19. Enthusiasm and seem like you really want to have sex with the guy! Majority of women are actually bad in bed and that’s because they just lay there like a dead fish! Just put in effort to making him cum, and I can 1000% bet you he will want to keep you based off the sex alone. FYI a lot of men choose women based off the sex they have with them! And you can get a guy completely hooked on you if you know how to suck his dick well! If your not sure as him exactly what he would like you to do and I promise you he will be ready to ask you when you’d want to get married!! Haha I hope this is helpful!

  20. Take some initiative – don’t just lay there

    Keeping your eyes open is a big turn on

    Being vocal is a big turn on

    Teeth hurt my dick/yanking on my foreskin hurts a lot. Unfortunately a blowjob is a bit of a job.

    Ask your partner how they’re feeling during whatever it is you’re doing. Guide them. And vice versa.

    A bit of dirty talk never hurt anyone. Being filthy can really make things pop.

  22. Open/honest conversation with your partner… good sex starts in the head. Never be afraid to ask for what you want and understand that it takes two people to have great sex ( being understanding/compassionate/enthusiastic/being willing to learn and explore/nurturing/mature/loving and emotionally intelligent with your partner). Laughter and having fun is the perfect antidote for insecurities.
    You don’t DO sex with someone but WITH someone.
    90% of sexual problems/incompatibilities occur because people don’t talk to each other.

  25. The girls who worry they are bad at sex are *never* the girls who are bad at sex.

    The girls who are bad at sex either have this weird fantasy that they are sex-goddesses and rainbows spring from their vaginas — or they just don’t care.

    You want a tip that will set you off from most other girls: when he is doing something you like, *let him know*. Most girls are very shy about admitting they are enjoying themselves, so it’s hard to know what you are doing. A girl who is like “a little to the left, a little faster, softer, softer, that’s it, keep doing that, yes, don’t stop” is a *godsend.*

  26. Organic emotions.. don’t fake it or try to be a porn star. If you want to do a different position, then just do it. Don’t ask. Take control sometimes and be verbal about what you like. For me , i enjoy the experience of being a good lover and giving my partner what she wants. I’m a simple guy and I’ll get mine. Just Give me the last few mins for myself .

  27. Personally? She’s good if we have a discussion about what turns each of us on, and she listens. That’s it. Maybe throw in a little other niceties like good grooming. I’m not hard to please.

  29. My 2 cents:

    – Get relaxed, don’t overthink it, enjoy it.
    – Forplay starts from the moment you say hello
    – Passionete kissing, not that fully french but couple of soft kisses on the lips then bite your lip and turn around with your back to him and move your hair on side and let him kiss you on the neck and take over.
    – Grab his hands guide them on your body like you want to be touched and appreciated. Don’t leave anything to the imagination just slowly touch yourself using his hand.
    – in missionary use your nails to on his back and scrach it softly.
    – when on top in cowgirl position always put his hands on your breast and hold them and massage your breasts as long as you can while riding him. Always ride him in a way that brings you closer to cumming and don’t worry about him.
    – On the contrary of what everyone says I prefer soft moans and eye rolls as comparison to load moaning. Me lasting for 1 minite or 30 minutes totally depends on the girls moaning volume 😏
    – Make the journey to orgasm memorable should never be forced.

  30. Communication is key . Make sure that you ask lover to tell you what they like as you doing things. Being loud is good. Tell the lover what you like and don’t like as they are doing stuff. Touch your lover as they do stuff . Like if they are giving you oral you run your hands in their hair. Be in the moment , sometimes you may want to adjust your butt or whatever. Learn about kegals and practice them. Don’t be a dead fish laying on the bed .

  31. A lot of people have mentioned the fundamentals.

    Enthusiasm, laughing, not taking yourself too seriously.

    The other thing I’ll mention is focus more on him than on his dick.

    Grab hold and don’t let go, wrap your legs around his waste and pull him in, grab his shoulder, kiss him.

    His dick will generally go in the hole and do it’s thing, and paying some attention to it is great, but be sure your paying attention to the whole man.

  32. Being enthusiastically bad is miles ahead of being a spectacular starfish

  33. Get a good tight angle and move smoothly instead of rapidly.
    Also, help the guy make you come.

  34. Act like you want to be there. My last gf just laid there. There’s nothing that can kill your self esteem more than someone acting like having sex with you is a chore

  35. I personally like a girl who’s not afraid to ask for what she wants. Is confident being naked and not afraid to just make any noises she wants and enjoy herself. Also I like being complimented too.

  36. Honestly just have fun with it and actually do stuff for the guy as well not just laying there

  37. Ask them what they like and then try some of those things. A lot of being good is a matter of appealing to the psychology. Being sexy acts as a multiplier for physical sensation.

    Physically, work with your partner and try to get good rhythm and angles. Try to go with what the moment calls for.

    Slow it down when your reaching towards a meh climax, speed up when going slow is starting to bore. Essentially you want to build up the sexual tension be ramping it up and slowing it down.

  39. I always enjoyed when a woman was coming “after me” in bed and was relentless about showing how much she was into me/it. Some would call it enthusiasm, because that is as far from duty sex that it can, which is any guy’s (and woman’s, really) worst nightmare in bed.

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