Let me explain why I’m thinking about it. So me (25m) and my gf (23f) have been together for nearly 5 years. At the start, we were having sex on a very regular basis, as most couples do to start off. Around the two year mark, shortly after I’d fully moved in with her, we started doing it less and less often.
For the last 2 years of our relationship, it’s basically gotten to the point where I’m practically begging to have sex with her. I’d say on average we have sex (or I get some other action) about once a week, maybe even less.
I’ve always been a very sexual person and get really horny sometimes. So much so that I just end up doing myself when she won’t give in to my attempts (either by looking at her or with some old pictures I have of her on my phone). She knows that I do this, but I also do this more without her knowing, hence the porn, which I’ve started watching maybe twice a week for a while now. It’s getting to the point where I’m a bit worried about it and am questioning our relationship, which is getting to the point of thinking about proposal, but then I also think, do really I want to be secretly jacking off for the rest of my life? Always feeling a bit unloved by my partner?
I’m thinking of telling her as a bit of a wake up call for her. I don’t want this to sound manipulative in any way by mentioning the proposal part, I do really love her and tbh I’ll probably still go through with the proposal regardless, but I just feel like she should know how unhappy it makes me that she doesn’t seem to want me in that way. I’ve spoken to her about it on several other occasions over the last couple years, but it’s never changed anything.
It’s at the point now where I feel like mentioning the porn is like the final wake up call for her. Would love to hear some opinions on this one.
Many thanks in advance
TLDR: my gf doesn’t give me as much sexual attention as I’d like. Thinking of telling her about my secret porn watching as a wake up call to her as to how desperate and unhappy I am (explained better in the full version)
7 comments
If you’re not happy in the relationship sexually, don’t make it worse by proposing. Hold off on that until you’ve resolved this issue.
Have you talked to her about the decrease in sex? How have those conversations gone?
A guy watching porn isn’t a wake up call lol. That’s like telling someone that water is wet. Porn is a billion dollar industry. You ain’t the only one lol.
Besides, I don’t even get where you are going with this… is she supposed to owe you sex now because you told her you watch porn? Or is it supposed to some sort of pity thing? I really don’t get your rationale.
Have a grown up conversation about your needs. If she can’t provide them, then move on to someone who can.
If you feel unloved by your girlfriend, why would you propose? This will only transition into a sexless marriage. This is exactly why so many men in marriages are miserable. They marry the woman they love and think they can get over not having as much sex as they want but as time goes by, they regret it and it usually leads them to divorce. Which is a money pit, especially if you have kids. And it’s concerning since she’s only 23, only down hill from here. Maybe try couples counseling.
The issue of using porn to get off is nowhere near as major as this:
>I’ve spoken to her about it on several other occasions over the last couple years, but it’s never changed anything.
So, you have an unfulfilled need in the relationship, have spoken about it numerous times, and nothing changes. This should be a huge red flag for you. Either she is not sexually attracted to you, getting her needs met elsewhere, or has little interest in sex. Whatever it is, that doesn’t bode well for a happy marriage.
Do not propose. Figure this out with some honest and open conversation. It’s not at all about the porn, so don’t make it about that.
Have you talked to your girlfriend about the decrease in sex?
Alot of time when sex decreases something mentally is going on with your partber.
Stress or even anxiery, and it might not be anything to even do with the relationship. Just life in general.
Before you go oh I secretly watch porn and best off, to try and get a response why dont you try openly communicating your sexual needs.
What the hell. As for 25 yr old ur pretty sorry to say, but dumb.
Why are you even discussing marriage when ur not happy in a relationship?
First of all why you watching porn should be a wake up call?
You have talked to her many times and nothing changed. That’s the only thing that matters.. You watching porn or not, doesn’t change a thing and will absolutely not be a wake up call. Even if it will, it will be temporary.
So many questions, no one should ask for an adult person.
You are sexualy incompatible. Decide how much you care about it.
Dude if you cared about sexual things in relationship from the beginning, and its like this just after the first year, you are so fucking late to the party, its 5 years of relationship, jesus Christ.
That’s not the conversation you need to have. The conversation you need to have is “I love you so much but the lack of sexual interest on your part is taking a toll on me. When I picture my future, it’s always with you but in that future, I need to feel like you are sexually attracted to me, I need us to have more sex and we need to figure out what this issue is before taking the next step in our relationship”