I’m 24 old lesbian and wanted to share some of my experiences.
for a lot of years I didn’t have proper friends and if I had them, I lost contact (I still feel guilty about it, but I feel like I just have to move on). I was viciously bullied during my first school years and I feel like this experience broke something inside me. I think right now I’m at better place because upon remembering my childhood I don’t feel sad, just approach it as something that happened and this fact I just have to accept.
Almost all of my attempts at friendship ended badly, so at this point my university years were pretty lonely too, I accepted my horrible social skills and to save myself from being hurt I just didn’t attempt to talk with anyone.
then I’m 22, move to the new town and felt like depression hit me twice as hard. I realized I had zero experience with love, since I never attempted to give men chance, because I couldn’t force myself to be attracted to them no matter how hard I tried. I started checking dating apps, and after bunch of attempts I had my first kisses, first sexual experience. they weren’t pleasant, but I was at ease that at least I wasn’t virgin anymore. desperation to build bonds still was strong in me and I desperately tried to find girlfriend or even boyfriend (but all men I met made me incredibly uncomfortable). then I move to a different small country all together. finally I had my first proper friend in years. we hang out, we exchange gifts, hug and met at least once-twice a week (she is quite busy). I have some online friends from different countries I regularly chat with (we have known each other for years), I talk a lot with my roommate. my anxiety and depression sometimes rear their ugly heads, but feel like I have them under control for most of the time because this is most socially active I was in years.
but I still long for romantic companionship. I try to find excuses to spare myself from emotional pain by saying I’m too busy with masters degree, finding a job or learning language when majority of population where I live doesn’t really understand English.
all I’m trying to say is, it that normal to be such late bloomer, am I doing something wrong? is my future social life seem bleak at this rate?
3 comments
It’s definitely no too late, you have the majority of your life in front of you. Most 24 year olds probably don’t have half your self-awareness. You know who you are, and that’s a great thing!
Thanks for sharing your story. It’s nice to hear you found peace and happiness.
I’m about a decade or so older than you and just learning to discover myself so you’re not alone. I believe with how our society is constructed nowadays people are expected to be this or that and if not you are perceived as “abnormal” which isn’t right at all. I remember being at your age, I just had my second child and thinking I am “so old” I honestly felt like I was 50 with the constant sleep deprivation, caring of two babies under the age of 3, a partner who was constantly absent. What I’ve discovered was that I was unable to relate to people of my own age anymore due to the circumstances. Even now, my friends only started having children whereas I have teenagers lol.