I have to do all of this stuff to make the experience good for my kid.

I have to carry in and set up the tree decorating it with lights.

I have to hammer some lights around the roof.

I have to pick up extra shifts at work, stand in long lines, going store to store trying to find the right gifts my kid wants. I have to Wrap it under the tree with a nice bow.

My kid wakes up and for him it’s magic. Everything just magically unfolded with a nice glass of milk and cookies on the table. He’s oblivious to the shit storm I went through the past 2 weeks.

I hate dating the same way I hate the holidays.

This is why there’s no romance books written for men. Romance for men is just hard ass ‘uggghhh’ work. That shit just doesn’t naturally unfold in front of us.

11 comments

  2. They come up with one holiday for us guys, steak and BJ day and women don’t even follow it…

  3. Congratulations, you have described why men and women look at romance so differently.

    For a woman, romance is (usually, not always) something she experiences. It’s a vibe, it’s lighting, and ambience, and a series of wonderful coincidences adding up to a magical evening.

    For the man, romance is an act of emotional labor, with a happy partner being the payoff. It’s a cause and effect relationship for us, because all those coincidences? The guy made those happen. Up to and including “wandering” by the pier just in time for the sunset.

    This is also why I think a lot of women feel put off when they tell a guy they just want to be friends and the energy changes. The guy is engaging with being her friend in good faith, which means he’s not courting her anymore, which means he’s not putting in lots of behind the scenes work or calling in favors to get shifts covered, etc. She’s not getting romanced anymore, she’s a friend which is a relationship with more equal expectations.

  4. It’s unfortunate it’s so taxing but it’s refreshing to hear someone describe putting in so much effort to give someone else a positive experience. Good people will thank you, great ones will also see and truly appreciate the effort you’ve made.

    Hopefully you’ve had someone give you that same type of effort for a birthday, special occasion or just because? Generally for the women I know we reserved for relationship land so there is probably a feeling of unequal contribution during courtship.

  5. You don’t do those things because you need your child to like you. You do those things because you love your child.

    Jesus, man.

  6. Yup girls have it easy we just gotta grind to shine fam. I believe in you and you will get through your struggles. PM me for help or guidance

  8. Men have an easier time professionally, women have an easier time romantically. Things change but not that much

  9. Exactly why I’m not dating. Bunch of picky women want me to bend over backwards to entertain them. I’ve got two kids full time. Don’t have much time to think about putting that together. I’m okay with finding the friend who works out to turn into the crush and eventual girlfriend. I work with a bunch of dudes though. Go to church with a bunch of old people. Lol probably will be single for the rest of my life. 😂

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