So I met a guy in September and we’ve been dating for a bit more than a month now. It’s both our first relationship and we come from extremely conservative backgrounds but still decided to have sex because we’re young and horny. All the foreplay has been going on great but one (massive) problem is the thickness of his penis. At first I thought I was probably overwhelmed because it was my first time this close to a male appendage but after a failed attempt at sex where he only put the tip in, we decided to measure the thing and it nearly has a 2 inch diameter.
I thought maybe because of past trauma, I had vaginismus but I can fit tampons ok and I was really turned on, a finger went through just fine. We thought about buying “dilatators” of different sizes to try and control my muscles as well as relax gradually but even the biggest ones are only 1.4″.
We already use water based lube. Do you guys have any advice?
(Writing this, I feel like I’m crazy as I’ve seen x rated videos of women successfully fit way larger things but I’m scared we’ll never be able to try penetrative sex if we can’t fit it in)
11 comments
Geezus 2inch diameter, good luck😅
Boo, that’s like like 1/2 the size of the average penis??
The word “first” jumped out at me. Considering you mentioned both trauma and vaginismus, there are good odds your body was not actually relaxed. Tensing up can make insertion difficult and uncomfortable and you may have been doing so unconsciously, with things getting worse as it became clear things were not going smoothly. Making sure the both of you are as relaxed as possible should be first priority.
Dicks are not perfect cylinders, so 2″ wide should be plus/minus 6″ around. Keeping those two numbers in mind, buying some dildos in progressively larger sizes would be an option to help with getting used to accommodating his size. Beyond that, you may need more lube and foreplay than you think you need (I’m around the same girth and I’ve had some “told you so” moments over that).
While you are at it you should check out r/bigdickproblems. This kind of stuff is a regular topic.
My gf had this issue when we first started. Very similar situation, it was our first relationship and I‘m roughly the same girth as your bf. The first five months were almost always painful. Eventually, she got used to it and can take it regularly. Regardless, each time requires lots of foreplay plus lube, otherwise she is going to be in pain. So just keep trying, keep using foreplay, and make sure you use plenty if lube. At some point, if you guys are similar to me and my gf, you‘ll start to get more used to it, and you‘ll need less foreplay to do things, albeit some foreplay will always be required. I want to make a note that even though she experienced pain regularly the first five months, she still enjoyed sex and sex got better for her as the relationship continued even if it hurt her a bit at times.
Take your time, relax, maybe get some toys to play with to loosen you up. Mostly take your time and relax. And lube.
I’m here to say lots of warm up and LUBE!
Sometimes you just don’t fit!!!
I know a couple who had to divorce because it just wouldn’t fit easily. They both remarried happily
[From the FAQ page on female sexual pain](/r/sex/wiki/index#wiki_female_sexual_pain):
> If the pain is just occurring because the penis is just too thick, then it’s a good idea to buy a few dildos of varying size. That way you can gradually work your way up to your partner’s thickness before putting the penis in. No, this will not make you permanently “loose”. It will help your vaginal muscles learn to relax and stretch enough so the experience isn’t painful.
r/bigdickproblems’ [FAQ page also advice on this topic](/r/bigdickproblems/wiki/faq#wiki_q12.3A_my_partner_finds_sex_painful_or_even_impossible.__what_should_i_do.3F).
as others have said I would make sure you’re 100% relaxed and turned on. I usually had the best sex when I orgasmed before PinV.
But since he’s so big it might just be something you need to get used too, I know I did when I first started having sex
Take it and get used to it. Keep doing it and you’ll eventually enjoy it. It’s never great the first few times anyway
I have the same size than your bf, and I had issues sometimes but i was rare. In my opinion, the problem is about you, meaning that maybe you feel anxiety when it comes to sex. If you are from a conservative background, its difficult to get over your education and just enjoy sex. Maybe this is why you cant relax your vagina a lot and take your boyfriend. Actually, my ex was also from a conservative background and we had the same problem. She could take me, but it was painful to her. Except when she was very relaxed and into it. When she was in the good mental state, sex was ok.