I’m 35 years old. I’ve been living with my mother since I was 25. It’s embarassing for me to talk about it, but I had some personal setbacks and a heavy debt after graduating from college (never found work in my field). My mom is disabled too, so we help each other out. We split rent and I pay all my other bills, plus I drive a car that’s in her name. I’m hoping to start looking for my own place within the next year (assuming inflation doesn’t set me back even further).
Aaaaaaaaanyways…Ive been doing the online dating thing off an on for ten years. And I can’t help but feel like the fact that I live with my mother brings my chances way down. Most of the women that I date live alone. The one exception was a girl who lived out of town that I saw for a year (she shared an apartment with her sister cause they lived in a big city). It sucks because I’ll have to spend the night at their houses all the time (except for outta town girl). I feel like as soon as I mention that I live with my mother in instantly handicapped. Just last weekend a woman at a bar asked me if I lived alone, and I said that I lived with my mom. Then when I asked if she lived by herself (hoping that maybe we could go back to her place), she said she lived with her boyfriend. Looking back on it though I can’t help but feel like she just said that cause I mentioned my own living situation.
Should I just leave the dating scene alone until I finally get my own apartment? Is there any point to it now?
17 comments
I identify with this so strongly. I think this is becoming more average too. Stay strong, it’s rough out there, and I’d say definitely don’t give up entirely, you still have things to offer, and I’m sure plenty of people would be happy to date you. In my experience finding those people can be challenging though.
Redirect attention towards more favourable facts. “I used to live alone, but my mother is disabled so I moved back in to help her out”
That way you’re still saying the truth but it makes it seem as though you’re caring rather than broke.
What happens if you became attached to someone? Would they move in and help you with your mother?
You’re not married. It doesn’t matter that you live with your mom. It’s the smart financial decision. It has zero reflection on your own personal ability to raise a family, provide a home, and create financial stability with your partner.
People who think a 35 year old should be throwing away $2300/month for a 1 bedroom apartment to “prove financial independence/stability” are idiots.
Nah…not that big of a deal nowadays. Follow-up the comment, with “why” you are living with your mother. She is disabled and you are helping her out. Probably worth giving your long term plan on when you will be on your own…
They can choose what to do, with that info.
If you mention that you are helping your disabled mom, then I don’t see why people would turn away. You might want a hotel or back-up option (Air BnB) for nights you want to hook up.
Honestly, and bluntly, I think so. Speaking from experience, My mother and aunt and I own the house we live in. I rent from them. I have the first floor (total privacy, no unexpected visits), and they have the second floor. Third floor is storage now. I think many women even see my situation as “living with mom”. Honestly, I’d ride it out until you have a place. You don’t want rejection after rejection. Best of luck whatever route you choose.
Living with parents as a guy at your age is a massive red flag to the majority of all women.
>Then when I asked if she lived by herself (hoping that maybe we could go back to her place), she said she lived with her boyfriend. Looking back on it though I can’t help but feel like she just said that cause I mentioned my own living situation.
No, she said that because she got caught lol.
I feel you on this! I lived with my parents for a few months after getting divorced. It was rough. Like you, I had pretty frustrating dating experiences during that time.
I found it was pretty helpful to mention on my profile that I was living with my parents. Thus, no surprises or awkward conversations.
But yeah, it did put a damper on things. So I took it easy on dating and focused on self-improvement stuff and occasional casual sex.
good luck!
I would still let them stay over with you. I lived with family until I met my now wife and I brought all my girlfriends over for nights. I think that has to be a step as girls really like to see how you live in your environment to know if long term is worth it.
Your too old to be living with your mom. Or, you turn it around and say she lives with you and you are taking care of her cause of her disability…..lol
The average home goes for 600k where I live right now so that’s off the table unless I move elsewhere, and I make 90k a year.
I (28F) personally and honestly would not consider someone who lives at home. As charming and as helpful as it may sound. Some people might not care and there’s certainly nothing wrong with your situation! But yeah I wouldn’t even consider it if we’re being honest.
No. As other people have said, you maybe need to phrase it better than “I’m living at home”. You moved back home to take care of your mom. Don’t treat it like a disease…treat it like you’re a hero.
Living at home is embarrassing, for sure, and it will put off a lot of girls, but not all of them. Do you really want to date a girl that’s going to judge you on that?
It will definitely hurt your chances, by a lot. Especially since it’s tied to your finances. But the secret to success with women is finding a purpose. Once you find your purpose and dedicate your energy to it, women will follow.
I’m the same age but I use to live on my own during the time of my LTR of 10yrs and when that failed.
I became homeless and forced to live on the streets . .
Took me 2 almost 3 yrs to make contact with my parents . .
Moving back I was hoping to be able to rebuild and get back out there but with my Dad’s abusive crap I wasn’t in a rush and also my mom’s health was failing and so I wanted to stay with her and enjoy what time I had left. .
I thought I had longer but she passed in March. .
My Dad’s abuse and alchoholism ofc got worse and my sister is literally forcing me to pay the bills or threatening me with calling the cops to forcibly evict me and I genuinely have no one
Even my coworkers treat me like shit and I’m supposed to be this emotionless robot that does the work and with the hours I’m not even able to form a decent personal life..nor is the pay worth it even after asking for a raise.
Part of why I made another topic in alone . .looking for anyone to just have a conversation with.
I can’t save a dime to get out and I work my ass off to the point after everything unaliving sounds really good. .
I’m turning 36 next month and no one’s going to care . .
Not trying to hijack but be like yeah,living with any family odds of romance are non-existent and damn could I use the hug and kiss and cuddles right now.
Anyways . .
Sorry
Later
Yes please do not date or court anyone while living with your parents.
This is why I broke up with my ex: always having to meet at my place , needing his parents input for major things that affected our relationship, never really being “free” to date bc his parents needed him for something (they paid his bills so he can’t say no).