I’m posting this anonymously because I feel embarrassed and dirty and I definitely don’t want anyone else to connect this to me.
My mum found multiple videos and pictures of me having sex with my stepdad’s friend because he left his external hard drive connected to his laptop and the window was open. She confronted me because she thought I was having an affair with him as my stepdad said the hard drive was his friends and he took it from him as these pictures and videos could damage my reputation if anybody else saw them. I have no memory of ever sleeping with this man so I denied it and told her it must’ve been someone who looked similar to me.
She showed me some of the videos and it really is me. Judging by my hairstyle I was around 18/19 in the ones she showed me. I was in denial because I don’t know how there could be so many videos and me having no memory of them.
I told her I think he raped me because that’s the only explanation I could think of. I wouldn’t sleep with him otherwise and back then, my stepdad used to send my mum on fancy vacations a lot. When she was away, he would often let me drink with him and his friends. Sometimes I used to get so drunk after only a few drinks I would blackout. I always thought it was because I was a lightweight and my stepdad used to constantly tease me about it but now I think they were intentionally getting me drunk.
My mum thinks I’m lying and making up stories because I’m embarrassed about being caught and I always had a crush on the friend as a teen. My stepdad denied it too and said we never drunk together when my mum was away. I had a meltdown when I confronted my stepdad because he kept lying and my mum believed him 100% and was accusing me of trying to cause issues.
I tried to confront the friend and he said that we were having an affair and I didn’t need to be embarrassed which isn’t true. His wife knows now too and thinks I’m some homewrecker and keeps sending me nasty messages with fake accounts.
The more I think about it… the dirtier I feel. I watched a lot of the videos and now I regret it because I can’t get it out of my head. I know I didn’t have an affair with him but I feel like I’m going insane with everyone saying I did.
If anyone has any advice, please help me because I don’t really know what to do.
TL;DR – I think my stepdad’s friend raped me because my stepdad has multiple pictures and videos of us having sex but I don’t remember ever having sex with him in my life. Nobody believes me and everyone is assuming we had an affair and I’m lying to make myself look better.
46 comments
Im so sorry this is happening to you – I have no idea how horrible this must be for you.
I know it’s hard because it involves your family but I think you should talk to the police
I feel like youd need to have more than a few drinks to blackout like you did. Where you conscious in the videos? Did you seem too out of it to give consent? This definitely sounds like you were drugged and taken advantage of. You need to consider going to the police.
For goodness sake call the police. This is horrifying. You’re also gonna need counseling but first things first. These people belong behind bars.
Only explanation here is that you were given a date rape drug. Go with the hard drive to the police.
You don’t need your family to believe you.
You know you were drugged/given a sedative/too much alcohol. There is no way you can prove it and thats why they took advantage of you. Because you can’t prove it.
I am so sorry, OP. I agree you should go to the police. Get that footage. Ask your mother why her husband didn’t come to her if he thought you, barely legal, were having an affair with a much older man. Him having those videos, not deleting them, and choosing to not tell your mother is proof he is not innocent. Did he film it himself? And for that, I am so fucking sorry.
I believe you. You are not crazy. This is not your fault. You were coerced and fed alcohol underage, and possibly drugged. Your mother’s husband knows.
Your mother’s refusal to believe you is abhorrent. She is scared of what it means for her, at your expense. I am so fucking sorry. Again, this is not your fault. At all. I would say you should to to the police with or without the footage. You could tell your mother so she knows you are serious, or you can cut off contact with them completely- I am not sure what else you can say to her to make her believe you if she has decided, with evidence, that you are the bad guy.
These are just strangers on the internet, but you need to get yourself into therapy. If you are 22, you are still under your mom’s insurance? Use it. Or, if you are in school, access you school counseling. Summer hours may suck tho. In any case, please, PLEASE find therapy. PsychologyToday has an easy search option to find therapists with expertise in X issues that accept X insurance. This is so important. And lastly, if you can, please tell a friend so you can have real, in-person support. I am so sorry this happened to you.
My advice is to contact a domestic violence organization or a lawyer. I think it’s logical to worry about how the police would treat you because misogyny is rampant in police culture.
I’m sorry this happened to you. I agree with the other commenters who think you were probably drugged.
I think the fact that it was videotaped and your stepfather has the videos videos shows that something nasty was going down. Who videotapes and shares that? Creeps. They made a sex tape of you without yor consent and shared it. That is not legal. Essentially they distributed pornography. Get a lawyer and go to the police.
Im so sorry. And your mom….. good god.
Get that footage. This is so fucking reprehensible.
Go to the cops. At minimum the videotaping without consent is illegal. They can nail him on that. Stop trying to convince them of anything and go to the police. Also ask your mom if you had an affair where is the proof of it. Nowhere cause it isn’t true.
Get the hard drive now as evidence
Take that hard drive, copy it to another drive (so you have a backup if they try sabotaging the first drive), and take that to the police IMMEDIATELY. Try to also get some distance and safety from your mom and stepfather. This sounds 100% like you were date-raped by your subhuman scum of a stepfather and his friends. It is appalling that your mother doesn’t believe you or support you.
I am so, so incredibly sorry that this is happening to you. There are no words.
Even if it ***had*** been an affair- you never consented to videos & pics!!! There is no legitimate reason your stepdad should have those! You are being victimized by **TWO** adults. I am so sorry! Please consider legal action. Please find a SA counselor. Please remove yourself from that pit of rapists.
If you need money or other resources let us know. You’re mum is awful. I would never leave my family member go through this shit alone.
Get the back up and go to the police. There could be others.
I’m so sorry this is happening to you. The fact that your stepdad has the videos means he knew what was going on and he was complicit. I’m with everyone else that it sounds like you were given a sedative of some sort. Ambien for example can interfere with the formation of long term memories. Do you have friends you can stay with?
Oh my God, I’m so sorry. This is so terrible I don’t know what to say… please, stay strong. 🙏
this is so scary. firstly, you did nothing wrong. it sounds like you were assaulted multiple times by someone who was supposed to be a parental figure to you and took advantage of that. you are not dirty and you are not a homewrecker. second, do you live at home? If you do, is there a trusted friend you can stay with? I would get copies of the videos and photos and leave. then i would think about what you want to do for next steps. i would highly recommend seeking out a therapist who specializes in SA.
do you remember anything else from that time? Was it just you drinking with your stepdad and his friends or were any of your friends there with you? do you recall physical discomfort after those nights you were drinking? are you sure it’s you in the photos and videos? It sounds like it was 5-6 years ago so deep fakes probably weren’t possible/prevalent then, but could it have been a lookalike or are you pretty sure it’s you? there are definitely stories of people completely blacking out on roofies but seemingly awake and interacting with people. good luck
All I know is I am so sorry, not only that this happened but that your mother is somehow blaming you??? Disgusting.
It is 100% justified if you cut these people out of your life forever & pursue legal action. Please don’t let them guilt you or make you the perpetrator when you’re a victim. Fuck all of that.
Oh honey, I’m so sorry, your step father and his friends roofied you and raped you. If there were more men there, you have no idea who could be involved.
I’m so sorry. I’m sending you so much love. I agree that taking the videos to the police is the next step.
Please go to the police. Don’t let them get away with this.
Get the police involved 100%, especially if you know for a fact that you didn’t intentionally have sex with him. I think you got roofied and raped.. I’m so sorry this happened to you
Why would it all be videotaped, and your stepfather have those tapes, if it was just an affair? That makes no sense.
Your stepfather was pimping you out via drugging you, and making videos for his and his friends’ gratification. Get that hard drive and go to the police.
There’s going to be more to this story, there always is, but the big point for me was step dad sends mum away on fancy vacations and drinks with you and his friends, this scenario seems absurd to me unless it’s to get you alone and vulnerable, and why record it?
Inform police and get counselling / therapy, it sounds like you are going to need additional support getting through this.
Go to the police. If you have the drive the videos are on, take it with you. Find a woman’s shelter because they can help hook you up with rape counseling.
If you were having an affair there would be evidence, phone records, emails, something to prove you were in contact outside of those videos. Ask for proof of the affair or check your own cell records for the number just to give you piece of mind.
You’re getting a lot of advice to go to the police, but I don’t think that should be your priority (and it’s likely not to lead to anything with how much time has passed and the lack of evidence). You need to block all these people from your life immediately and get in touch with a therapist to help you process everything.
It’s more than obvious that they roofied your drink and had sex with you that is rape by any definition you want to define it as
I’m so sorry this happened to you, OP. Here is what you need to do:
1. Get the hard drive
2. Contact a lawyer and/or a domestic violence/sexual assault centre
3. Go with your lawyer to the police
4. Consider seriously going NC with your mother.
Chances are, if you have zero recollection of it but we’re coherent enough to be in the act in various positions etc, you were drugged with something called scopolamine.
It takes intellect to use that substance without killing someone.
It basically allows the person being drugged to bend to whatever the offenders will is.
It’s scary stuff.
This is absolutely abhorrent what has happened to you. Enough to twist someone’s mind forever.
These kind of happenings should justify murder in my opinion. It stirs up something very dark and vengeful inside of me.
I hope you can sort this out as soon as possible, and more importantly start talking to a professional about it before it takes over your life.
Godspeed to you.
Take that hard drive and lock it away in secure place until you sort this out.
Jesus Christ…. do you have access to those videos? If you do take them to police and explain that you don’t have recollection of doing this. They will understand from your behavior on videos in which state you are. Maybe they won’t be able to help and maybe they want. You just need one video where you are younger then 18 and they are busted. I also believe they might drugged you. You definitely need professional help to go trough this and my advice to you is this: don’t let them fu$$ you for life. Whatever they did to you is not your shame. Don’t think what your friends will say cuz in todays world : literally nobody care anymore about those things on videos. You are going trough something truly horrific and you should not go trough it alone. I’m sure you didn’t have an affair with this guy cuz you would have atlast some trace on your phone, even if it was long time ago, you would find something what would remind you of it. You are totally innocent in this and you need help. I don’t even know you and I’m sooooo mad…. I will just beg you not to let this damage you for life, your mother doesn’t deserve you, and her husband is sick predator, omg….
If you are comfortable, try and somehow get the hard drive and take it to the right authorities or somebody you know you can trust. I am 100% sure that you are correct and your parents are gaslighting you. Your stepfather has the motives of hiding this for being an accomplice and your mother has the motives of hiding it for her reputation and her husband’s. If they won’t hand it over willingly then tell the authorities what is on it (without letting your parents find out you contacted them so they can’t hide it) and ask them to retrieve it as evidence.
As a survivor of childhood assault, I understand how hard it can be. I still to this day have told nobody except for my current partner. If you don’t at all feel comfortable with talking about it with anybody now or ever, then please at least remember not to drink in front of your stepfather or his friends ever again.
If you need to talk to somebody or rant to a stranger with similar experiences, my inbox is open. Nobody deserves to go through this at all, I promise you, it is NOT YOUR FAULT. Don’t let anybody try to convince you that it is. It. Is. Never. Your. Fault. And it never will be.
Edit: PLEASE find other people that will support you BEFORE going to the authorities and if at all possible, speak with a female officer and not a male one. Male officers in my experience can be extremely misogynistic and can and will drop rape cases because they don’t “want to stir up trouble,” whatever the fuck that means.
Edit 2: I forgot to mentions also, try contacting a Domestic Abuse or crisis center before the police as well.
please reach out to a trauma informed therapist and domestic violence organization near you asap, you don’t need to contact police immediately or at all if you are afraid. get yourself to safety first. i’m sorry you’re going through this.
I’m so sorry this happened to you.
I’d steal the footage and go to the police and file a lawsuit.
This sounds like RAPE.
And the fact that there is video evidence!? Like why would anyone be recording that kind of stuff!?
Please go and report this.
Edit: after reading some comments saying go to police and replies saying you’re scared they won’t give you hard drive..
STILL GO TO POLICE. Tell them the situation and have them protect you.
Going to the police will also prove to your mom you are serious! And she BETTER take her daughters side.
Call the police. ASAP.
I am so sorry this is happening to you. I really want to encourage you to go to the police. Take the hard drive and just go. Tell them everything you know and especially about your step dad giving you alcohol. Did your mom not question how you stepdad found out about the hard drive? Where were you in the videos, your home, the friends home? There is a lot for the police to investigate. Again, I’m so sorry this is happening to you, but I think it’s a good thing you now know what danger lurks around. I’m sending you so much love. I believe you and I wish you healing✨
I’m so sorry this is happening to you. Please contact [RAINN](https://www.rainn.org/resources) for more resources in navigating this, they really can and will help you.
I believe you, contact a womens sexual violence center & ask for advice, they will advise you how to deal with the police, they may also have a counselling service. Many women do not get justice but you need to try & also care for yourself. As an SA survivor, a mother & a woman wish you the best for the future. It’ll be hard but you can do this, steal the drive before they destroy it, make copies for safety.
This is awful. Trust yourself, OP. You know you didn’t willingly consent to sex with this man. I bet you look drugged in the video. This is sick, sick shit. Your mom doesn’t want to believe that her husband would be party to this. Your stepdad at worst doesn’t want to be caught, at best doesn’t want to believe his friend would do this. YOU KNOW THE TRUTH.
I am so, so sorry. Please seek counseling to deal with this trauma. This is betrayal after betrayal of some of the highest order. My heart goes out to you.
Your mom is a fucking moron.
Get a lawyer, STAT. A lawyer will help you deal with the police, as they can’t always be trusted by themselves. Do it as soon as possible so that your mom/stepdad/friend cannot destroy the hard drive and this evidence!!
The videos will show key signs of behaviours consistent with the date rape drug they used.
Take them to the police.
I’m so sorry this happened to you.
I’m afraid your mother isn’t going to support you, so you may need to go NC with her for your own sanity.
Omg. Police, they will get the biostatistics
Videos and screw your mom for not believing you. The fact that it’s recorded should be disturbing enough, and the fact her shitty human husband has the recordings and didn’t say anything is also sus…
I’m going to give you a bit of advice probably nobody else has, but it might help you with the anger, rage even, you will most likely and justifiably experience soon.
Your mother and the other wife are calling you a liar very possibly not because they don’t believe you, but because they don’t *want * to believe. It’s much easier accepting you willingly slept with an older man than that they both are responsible for putting you in such a horrible position. Your mother, after all, brought this man into her young daughter’s life, AND allowed him to stay home alone with her for extended periods while she traveled out of town. The overwhelming guilt of that would be unbearable. All three of you women need therapy, and soon. Then you can decide if you want a relationship with the mother who chose the more convenient truth over her daughter’s well-being.
Also, when you are in therapy be sure to examine this “crush” you had on your rapist. It’s very likely a closer inspection will reveal the truth is you were being groomed for these very videos.
Talk to the police. Please. Also your mom is an AH.
They raped you, they drugged you, raped you and they’re the dirty ones, not you. Your mom is an idiot, same as the wife of your rapist. Consult a lawyer asap