How do you deal with female competitiveness?

13 comments

1. I think a certain amount of it is human. As long as you aren’t being hateful (or putting your own self down) I don’t see anything wrong with it. I use it to better myself.

2. I would say that sometimes people confuses competitive/jealousy with admiration because… at first we admire what we like about the person. But, the minute you start comparing yourself to them you can become competitive in your mind. Just be aware of where it leads to!

3. I feel it is part of a patriarchal society. There has never been room for all of us at the table

4. I don’t really care. I compete with no one, regardless of gender.

   Edit: if anything, I compete with myself

5. Remind yourself that whatever she accomplishes or does has nothing to do with you. You see something in her that you wish you were or had. So focus on that thing you like that she exemplifies. Work on that. Do things to help you be like the thing you are jealous about.

   It’s a natural feeling. But for me if I feel like that jealousy, I laser focus on what it is I am jealous about. It tells you a lot about what you need to work on.

6. Honestly I don’t feel like there actually is that much competition in my relationships with women.

   I used to feel that way, but when I unpacked it a bit it seemed more that I was socialized to feel that way, not that it was actually happening

7. I put my head down and let them think otherwise. Competition is relative.

8. I truly believe jealousy/envy is a good way to figure out what you *want* in life. It usually indicates we aren’t in alignment with our true desires and is a cause for redirection. If we follow that without hurting anyone, I think it’s a healthy way to express it

9. I’ve learned to read it as “us women constantly need to prove our worth for the approval of society and men”.

   So I break down the competition and just give recognition and compliments. Like yeah girl you did rock that. Yeah you did do way better than I did.

   I can still acknowledge my jealousy and sadness but I don’t need to put it into the situation and on to the other woman. Usually once the woman gets recognition they chill out, if the woman keeps being rude, no need to communicate unless necessary.

10. I’ve noticed this a little amongst my colleagues, and one of them had a great insight.

    She is about to turn 60 and said that, growing up, there was often only one woman who would get promotions and recognition in the workplace. During her career she then built up the attitude of “I must be that one woman”, and competed with other women to get that singular spot.

    We now work together on a gender equity project that requires us to interview people and we have found that her perspective is actually quite common among boomer-early gen X women.

    She now thinks it’s awesome that lots of women can get recognition so there isn’t external competition, but sometimes it’s hard to quell those feelings that have been there for decades.

    I think reminding ourselves that women are our allies, and having those women around us is a massive benefit to us helps. I can admit that I’m selfish enough to appreciate that benefit. But I also remind myself how much of a struggle it is being a woman, and it’s amazing seeing somebody overcome those odds.

    Edit: to clarify this is specifically work related. I don’t personally experience that kind of jealousy towards other women. At least, the jealousy I feel towards people is usually going to happen regardless of gender.

11. I think a large part of it might boil down to just personality type. It’s not a bad thing to want to improve yourself though. I don’t feel competitive with anyone. If I’m put in a situation where I am being forced to compete, I will let the other person win unless if it’s something really weird like rock, paper, scissors. I will win every time. And if someone catches on to my trick of how to win, I will notice them notice it and still beat them. Lmao. I will only get competitive when it comes to pointless things only if it’s more in the spirit of fun and not too serious. Mainly because getting seriously invested into a competition sounds really overwhelming.

12. You get older and learn to get over it. I’ve learned my gifts and what I bring to the table. I stay in my own lane and just do my thing. Being petty or jealous is using energy that you could be using to improve yourself. Your best competition is yourself.

13. Easy. I don’t deal with it.