TL;DR Husband mad, need advice before blowup

TL;DR Summary – husband mad, won’t talk to me, need advice before he blows up.

been married over 20 years. We both work full time, 4 kids (ranging in age from 20 to 9). I work from home to help with the kids because he owns 3 businesses and is not home much. We are exact opposites in every way – literally he likes it, I hate it. I like it, he hates it. Keeps things interesting sometimes. Here’s why I’m posting – he’s pissed and I need advice. We had a fight about property he wants to buy. It’s a huge dump – house condemned and needs to come down, grass chest high, sheds falling apart, piles of random beer cans in the grass, SNAKES EVERYWHERE!!! (I am terrified of them!!!) However, it’s 3 acres with no neighbors at a relatively low price. For him, it’s heaven. He wants to level the house, clean up the property and build a house. I want nothing to do with it for several reasons – it’s about an hour away from civilization (grocery stores, gas stations, etc . . .),the kids will be uprooted to a new school miles and miles away (current school just across town), and no internet. No providers want it, and to put in service would tack on at least a $22000 bill, provided we can even find one. I work from home, my office is closed and I need it to work. I am essentially the primary breadwinner in the home, he just started being able to have a steady paycheck last year. I have the medical, dental, vision, 401k and employee stock program. I have always had a steady income, except for the 18 months I took off to go to school and get the job I have now. I make all the mortgage payments, and I’ve paid for almost every vehicle we’ve ever had. So, his suggestion at first was for me to commute. First, my office may never reopen. Second, if he expects me to wake up at 3:30am, get the kids up and fed and commute to work at our current home at 5am (which is when I start so I am done in time to go get the kids off the bus) he’s frigging crazy. Also, how am I supposed to get the kids to school? (It”s not like here, where it’s a less than 5 minute drive. I can take a short break for that.) And we can’t afford to pay for 2 houses. Since then, he kept getting mad when I didn’t ask him for help with things like picking up our teenage son from work. I have never been able to really rely on him for anything. Maybe I shouldn’t have, but he brought up me getting him to help more often and I laughed. You don’t go from 20+ years of being told “no, I have work” to thinking he’s going to just change overnight. The full brunt of the kids has always fallen on me. I’ve nearly lost jobs over it because I’ve had to stay home with sick or hurt kids (before I could work from home), take kids to doctor’s appointments, deal with school stuff, etc . .. He loves the kids and so do I, but he’s always found a way to weasel out of helping. Even down to complaining and moaning and frequently calling me to find out when I’m going to be done when I needed to go to the store and didn’t want to take them. Ever try shopping with 4 little kids? It’s not easy. To this day he’s never been alone with the kids any length of time outside of the house. I take them out frequently, without him. He never wants to go anywhere or do anything. I get some of this, as he is in treatment for major back pain right now. It’s the reason we haven’t had sex in almost a year. That, and he’s a 2 pump chump anymore, which he blames on his back and vasectomy, which I think is half bs. Anyways, he gets mad at me for not saying good morning. I’m not a morning person at all, and he is, and I think it’s stupid. He claims I ruin his mornings when I’m quiet and working at 5am. Yesterday and today, he didn’t say a word in the morning, didn’t say goodbye and kiss me like he usually does, he just left for work. Didn’t answer my calls yesterday or today, either. Of course,depending on where he is and what he’s doing, he sometimes can’t. He works in a lot of places with no cell service. He usually calls when he’s on the way home, he hasn’t done so in 2 days. He stopped in today, didn’t say I love you when I said it. I let him know what we had for dinner and he basically ignored me. I asked him if he wanted the cheese when I was cleaning some old stuff out of the fridge and I had to ask him twice before he responded with a snippy “I’ll get it myself.” He is constantly blaming me for all the things the kids do he doesn’t like. Well, I’m not perfect, but I’ve done my best essentially all by myself. If I asked for help, all he would do is yell and blame me. Of course, the issue can’t be because he’s never around and when he is he’s either on the phone or sleeping. He calls me a pushover It’s frustrating when I need to talk to him and it takes several calls because he has to hang up everytime to take another call from a customer or employee. And here’s the part that I am dreading – when he gets like this he usually blows up and ends up screaming at me for HOURS. He repeats himself and just keeps going on and on and on. He never let’s me get a word in edgewise and never lets me express my own frustrations. Which, admittedly has made me standoffish for a while. I do get that he has a lot of stress, especially with the new business he just took on. The previous owner’s kid has made death threats against us and the previous owner has been causing trouble at the business. I’m not unsympathetic, and I listen to him vent. Of course, he never listens to me. If I complain about work, it’s my always my fault and he “doesn’t want to hear anything negative ” But totally cool for him to vent at me for hours. Also, he complains about how I don’t like to go to parties, and he says he gets invited by clients all the time. I am socially awkward. Very very much so. I don’t like going places where I don’t know anyone because when he is around other people he ignores me. Like, I’m standing next to him talking to him and he pretends not to hear it. Like I’m not there. I’ve never told him he can’t go. From the start, when we went places he would never acknowledge me or introduce me to people he would meet that he knew. I ‘ve mentioned it to him several times and he does nothing about it. So, I know he’s going to blow up at me, and I’m not sure how to take it. He doesn’t get physical, just acts like a real a-hole. I’m sick and tired of the one minute screaming about how something I do makes him want to leave and the next saying “I hope you never come to your senses and leave, can’t do this without you.” I swear, he’s got some kind of issues when he does this crap. Here’s the kicker – he’s travelling to help a family member this weekend and I’m betting the night before he’ll do it. He told me we were going last weekend, so I rescheduled an appointment for an activity my son wants to get involved in. I rescheduled it for this Sunday, with his approval. Which turns out is the actual day he plans to travel and I now need to stay here with my son. He had the wrong day, which he blames me for and is mad we can’t all go. I swear, his mind is slipping a little, too, because he keeps calling people by the wrong name and gets days confused. I think it’s the stress, but what do I know. I guess after all this ranting, I want to know how to handle this. I know he needs a break to destress, but he won’t take one. I’m worried he’s really going to fly off the handle with the stress of his businesses and all the legal issues with the new business. (Not his fault, previous owner ran it into the ground, he paid off the debt and bought the franchise so the 20+ employees didn’t lose their job and gave the previous owner a job, which he is now going to lose due to the lawsuits against his family from the franchise. Long story short – they’re nuts.). So, how should I handle this? Sorry so long, just needed to rant. The only people I have to talk to are my kids and I can’t burden them with this.