Its not religious. I grew up very atheist.
The reason i feel bad, is because for some reason i grew up belieivng that men were nothing but sex crazed animals. And i didnt want women to fear me. I wanted them to know i was not the same as everyone else.
And now im essentially paralyzed eith women because of it.
I can have sex. If the girl throws herself at me hard enough to overcome whatever barrier i have. And thats nice and all, but id like to maybe go take control of my dating life and not have to wait for a girl to throw herself at me that hard.
But damn this feeling i have. I dont even believe it. But its like my body believes it. My rational mind knows men are not just aninals who reach a limit of horniness, and then become a mindless aninal in need of raping someone.
But its as if my body believes it. And it totally screws with me when i talk to women.
Im lucky that women are so kind and sweet. They always treat me so good.
But sometimes a girl might try and flirt with me and boom, im paralyzed because im aftaid to flirt back.
To flirt would be to display sexual interest and sexual interest as a man is scary because of the potential for rape, stalking, all that kind of stuff.
I just cant seem to get over it.
4 comments
The whole dichotomy of ‘Men are obsessed with sex and want it always and nothing else, while women are chaste and pure and never want to have sex and have to be talked into it’ is so damaging to society, both men and women! It’s puritanical and sexist to both men and women, no one should ever be made to feel ashamed of their sexuality!
Personally I feel like I’ve had a larger sex drive than any man I’ve met, and it takes a lot to hold back when dating or hooking up. I feel you
I felt the same way. My first girlfriend was abstinent, so it made me feel really bad that I desired sex and she didn’t. Made me think it was bad to desire sex. But my current gf very much enjoys having sex with me, so it really changed my perception on sex and relationships. I guess at the end of the day, everyone is different.
Yeah that sounds tough and it obviously is messing with you and your desire for a relationship. How is your mental health and your anxiety level? Sometimes logically knowing something is true (“But damn this feeling i have. I dont even believe it.” and “My rational mind knows men are not just animals”) yet still feeling it in your body (“But its as if my body believes it. And it totally screws with me when i talk to women.” and “And now im essentially paralyzed with women because of it.”) can be (but is not necessarily) a sign of some deep down trauma (not necessarily sexual, it can be abuse in how you were raised, or from former partners, even subtle) that in your case bubbles to the surface around sex. It could even be that someone in your past fed you abusive drivel about men being sex-crazed rapists, and you internalized it, which is a form of trauma due to emotional abuse. It’s something to consider. If that resonates it might not hurt to talk to a therapist about it.
In the meantime, consider a self compassion practice. The idea here is to accept who YOU are and let go of unhealthy societal messages that are holding you back. It also can help around freezing up when you talk with women (sounds like an anxiety response to me). Look for videos by Kristen Neff, her book is good too, as is Chris Germers (which has more practical exercises).