We’ve been together now for 6 months. We’re both virgins. She’s in her mid 20s and I’m 21. Anytime I do anything with sexual intent, she moves my hand away. The other day I asked her if she just doesn’t want to do it with me, to which she said she does, but she’s only horny on her period, and she doesn’t want to do it while she’s bleeding. She always tells me about her friends’ dating stories in which they had sex in the first few dates, and it’s honestly quite demoralizing hearing that they are able to have sex, yet my girlfriend won’t. Of course she says she loves me and we kiss, yet I feel like I was closer to sex in the first month of us dating than now. What do I do?
6 comments
You following you feeling and their actions… not their words.
If she’s only ever interested in sex while on her period but doesn’t want to have sex during that time, then you’ll have to decide if you’ll be happy with a potentially always sexless relationship. Even if she becomes okay with period sex, you’ll also have to decide if you would be happy only having sex for one week a month.
I was in the exact same situation you were in. I hate to sound like an asshole, but your patience won’t pay off. If she actually wanted to to have sex with you, you would have had sex by now. She’s just leading you on.
Don’t subject yourself to a sexless relationship unless you are asexual.
If this isn’t a problem she’s willing to fix – hormone check, therapy, whatever, – move on. We are responsible for bringing our healthiest best selves to a relationship.
Why is it demoralizing that your girlfriends friends have sex but your girlfriend is a virgin? She’s clearly not had sex before and the comments saying she’s asexual or that you’re going to be in a sexless relationship are just wrong, because she doesn’t know if she likes sex yet. Stop pressuring her to have sex with you if she isn’t ready or in the right mind frame for it, if you keep doing that you will ruin her perception of sex and she will definitely resent you for it. If losing your virginity right this second is more important than making sure she is comfortable and feels safe then maybe you should consider whether you love her or not.
She is making it pretty clear that she doesn’t want to have sex with you ever. If you can live with that you should continue to pursue her otherwise, it’s kind of silly to stay with someone who has pretty much been honest.