My husband (8 years next week) and I have decided to change our relationship status to a domestic partnership.
My husband has very serious social issue. He rarely leaves the house, does not go into stores or restaurants or anywhere really unless it’s an emergency, works from home, only has virtual friends. He also refuses to interact with my family and friends.
He is also very loving to me and I love him very much. He fully supports anything I want to do, which involves a lot of going out and being social. We have a good relationship regarding household things. We have been through some seriously tough shit together and it’s created a special bond that I know could not be replicated.
So we have decided that we are now going to be in a domestic partnership. I will no longer present myself in public as being married. That way no one will ask where my husband is, why won’t he met us, how he is, etc.
Things at home will stay largely the same. Separating finances will be the biggest thing. We stopped having sex long ago so nothing to consider there. Eventually I’d like to more to a 2 bedroom place and have separate rooms, but that’s not an option for now.
I haven’t really heard of this situation before, so I’m looking for general advice on how to transition. What do I tell my family when I am no longer forcing him to holidays? Are there aspects of this change I’m missing?
We’ve agreed we can date other people, but since he doesn’t leave the house I don’t see that happening. I don’t know if I would want to in the future though. I can see that becoming messy. Thoughts?
5 comments
And you are happy living the rest of your life this way?
You’ve basically agreed to seperate and be roommates, not really a problem eventually you’ll probably both meet new partners and move on, i hope it’s as painless as possible for both of you.
I mean sounds like you are having an amicable divorce? And going to continue to live together and be friends.
Why don’t you tell people that?
Sounds like this is a very positive change for you. You should be proud of yourself for identifying and moving forward with this solution.
The only people who did something similar that I heard about was Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick and reportedly they did that in order to keep their kids’ life in a relative stability.
And I thought it’s weird af.
I don’t know what you’re trying to achieve with this transition and I’m having a feeling you don’t know that either. “Domestic partnership” isn’t a thing in my country, at least not legally, so I’m not sure what this means. Do you have to get divorced and then register as DP?
It’s curious that your main rationale is the public appearance. You’re going into DP so you don’t have to explain to people where’s your husband. Nobody is going to be curious about where is your domestic partner? Or won’t there be a question “why do you still live with your ex-husband?”.
You say you want to date. What happens if you meet someone really good. Someone you see yourself with. Are you going to invite them home?
From my perspective this set up only allows you to stew in an unhealthy circumstances with a weak excuse. I’m more of a 0-1 type of person. You either want to be with someone or you don’t. If you don’t but eventually want to find someone to build your life with, the sooner you rip off the bandaid, the sooner you can start to heal.
Long story short, I can’t understand this and I think you might be a little lost in all this.
All the best to you, OP! I hope this works out!
It sounds like it’s going to be an amicable divorce and you’ll remain roommates. I’d present it that way to family and friends.
It sounds like the two of you are making the best of a difficult situation. Good luck with it all!