Tl;dr When I(23F) recently expressed my want to get body modifications done to my partner(25M) , I tried to tell him about how much it would help me with my body image and self confidence, but he said something that made me feel even worse.
Growing up as a Bigger girl I have always felt shy to myself.
Every relationship I have ever been in I have always withheld myself to wearing certain things or doing certain things because I was nervous that my partner would get the ick from me or see a part of me that he wouldn’t like and then decided that’s not what they are looking for.
I have soo many regrets regarding the things I didn’t do because I was scared someone I cared about would see me differently.
My body image has really effected me in life, but now that I’m settled down with my partner that I have Been with for 1 year and have a baby with, I’m ready to be the full raw me that I can be, but I feel like my body is holding me back.
I always catch myself afraid or too shy to do things that I really want to do with my current partner.
It’s affecting him too, he has told me multiple times how he feels like I reject him when trying to have genuine moments.
I started working out and I’m already 20lbs down! But I’m still not becoming as comfortable with myself as I would like.
I started looking into some medical procedures and I really want to get them done, I think getting them done would benefit both me and my partner in the long run.
My partner has made it clear that he is attracted to women with the body type I plan to have once done with surgery, but when I brought it up it didn’t go so well.
He kept saying I was crazy and didn’t need anything done. I got deep and explained that it has been hard for me to feel comfortable with myself because of my body image and the only thing he replied was “well that’s too bad for you” and went to sleep.
When he told me that it made me feel like I’m just going to be stuck miserable in this body forever. It really upset me.
Any advice?
I don’t know how to feel and express myself pure and raw in a Body that doesn’t feel like mine at all.
So he likes the body type, but he won’t On me?
What’s his problem?
8 comments
I mean it seems like you need to talk to him more, like what his concerns are and stuff. Like possibly safety or financial concerns, or whatever. Him saying no and going to sleep doesn’t explain much.
Have you asked him what he’s afraid of?
You can do whatever you want. He’s afraid you will leave him if you become more attractive to men. I know of what I speak. I had a husband who bought me twinkies.
He’s probably just worried about the expense. You need to get to the bottom of it.
i am gonna be really blunt.
surgery isn’t therapy.
Since there is a purposely vague explanation to “body modification” any response we give could be endorsing something that could put your life at risk or may fundamentally change your life forever.
The consequences of failure are yours and any suggestion by him would put blame on him should he attempt to persuade you into something that is your choice. If he said no, he’s taking away your dreams. There is no win except to force you into making your own decisions.
He said it incredibly rudely though.
What modifications are these?
It sounds like you are looking for a quick fix to feel better. Surgery for the right body. Husband to tell you something (not sure what?) so you heard whatever it is you need to hear?
None of its ez or immediate. And browbeating what you want to hear wont get you the feeling you’re going for. Reread your own writing. YOU have issues with your body, YOU have dealt (actually not) with feeling this way for years. You literally also just had a baby. YOU YOU YOU…….
This is a you problem. One that surgery or the “right” words from a 1 year relationship partner cannot help resolve. Skip the surgery & get yourself into therapy. Explore it all cuz its the ONLY way you will genuinely heal. Note that the baby/marriage thing happened so immediately that its a red flag too worth mentioning. Im sorry if this sounds harsh but you’re transferring your stuff to a guy who barely knew you when you two jumped straight to “family”.