I, 22F, have been with my partner, 22M for 7 years, and I’m getting worried about our relationship. I’m not as attracted to him as I used to be, I’m not as interested in him as I used to be, and things just don’t feel like they used to. I’m not miserable but I’m not necessarily happy either. If he were to ask me to marry him tomorrow, I’d say no. We’ve been together since we were 15 and have never dated any other people, and I feel like I just don’t know myself outside of this relationship. I feel terrible because I can’t help but imagine what else there might be out there for me. He’s a great guy, and I care about him a lot, but it just doesn’t feel like how I think it’s supposed to feel, and I don’t really know, because I have nothing to compare it to because I’ve never been with anyone else. I care about him a lot and I don’t want to hurt him, but I don’t want to be in an unhappy relationship either. We live together and have a pet together, so that makes things a little more complicated, but we aren’t married and don’t have any kids. I would have asked him to take a break before, but every time I try to bring up how I feel, he gets really anxious and just tells me everything will be okay, so I don’t think he wants to take a break, and I don’t really know how to go about it. Should I just wait to see if these feelings go away, or is it time to take a break? Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.
4 comments
You are 22. Don’t seriously date anyone until you’re 30 and have a hot girl decade. You’re welcome
I’m in this exact. same. position. My boyfriend and I started dating a couple days before I turned 16. We’ll have been dating for 6 years in November. I, however, have been in one relationship prior. It was amazing, but it didn’t last long (~7 months). After all these years with my boyfriend, I’m becoming disinterested in sex, but only with him. I think about my ex to get me turned on because he’s the only other sexual experience that I’ve enjoyed. I’m starting to become easily irritated by things he does. Lastly, I just don’t feel happy with him anymore. I want to experiment. I live with my bf as well, and we JUST resigned the lease, which makes everything 10x more stressful. I love him, but I don’t want to hurt him. I can’t bare to see him in pain. Plus, I’m scared to be alone since I haven’t been in ages. I haven’t cheated, but I wonder about what it’s like with other people. I hope you and I both find clarity, and soon! :/
This is detrimental to your personal growth and development, you need to move on and experience being single and having the freedom to explore other things and opportunities in life and date other guys.
Dont delude yourself and others it is a break. You want to break up. Language is important for clarity and to not give false hope. You want to be with other people, fair enough. Scroll up or down 25 threads and you will see what happens on a break with other parties involved… Not worth the drama. If you go, then make it permanent. Dont go and have your fun and then decide you like his way of cuddling after all. That would be manipulative and cruel.
As adults we get the luxury of choice. You get to make yours whatever it is, others do not get to stop you, within reason. The other side of the coin is we have to take responsibility and accountability also. If you blow up something that turns out was good for FOMO and other dick, then it will be on you. Dont use your bf as a safe port if things dont work out as well as they do in your mind. They rarely do.
You sound like you have care for him but not love him, so let him go. He deserves someone that really wants him. You are not that person by your own admission. Your reticence may partially come from how you want to not crush him, but be honest, it comes from your fear you will lose out in the long run. Fear should not keep you stringing the relationship along.
Harsh truths maybe, but hopefully a useful counterpoint to the avalanche of “hot girl summer” silliness you are likely to receive. You deserve to be happy, but you have to pick a lane and own it.