We went on a fun trip together, then he ghosted me a few days after it.

24 comments

1. No harm in reaching out and just asking how they’ve been and if anything’s going on. Usually when a ghost happens this quick in a dating situation going well it’s two things:

   -An old ex or another dating interest has entered the situation, they feel guilty about admitting it, or just plain don’t care which is really a terrible thing to do

   -They are not interested and maybe you’ve contacted them too desperately and wish to completely avoid the situation.

   Either way unfortunately it seems they aren’t interested anymore. If they wanted to reach out to you they would. Best to move focus to someone who actually enthusiastically wants to communicate with you.

2. What was the last thing you texted about?

3. Did you guys ever get to the point that you had a conversation about being exclusive with one another? Only asking to get a better idea of the context of things

4. Ugh! I’ve been there girl, I had a guy ghost me after a few awesome weeks together. I replayed it over and over in my mind and never got closure – he ended up moving in with a woman who wasn’t anything like me a few months later. I think you have to chalk it up to 100% something going on, on his end, not something you did. Maybe he reconnected with someone, or something happened, idk. It’s sucks because to this day (7 years after my ghost) I still wonder wtf lol. If you haven’t texted him in awhile maybe text him and ask him if he’d like to get together and do xx this weekend, if he doesn’t respond then it’s his loss and you’re probably dodging some drama

5. I think you should follow up with something light that’s easy for him to respond to. He may be looking for a way back to texting but not know how to do it. If no response, then you know.

6. It’s been 2 weeks. If he wanted to talk to you, he would. Don’t take it personally as it’s probably nothing to do with you or anything you did – he just is no longer interested/invested.

7. He probably got cold feet thought about you two going on that trip as going to the next stage you know getting more serious and he isn’t ready for that commitment

   You may not see it that way but he probably does thinks he was leading you down the committed path

   Don’t text him, he’ll be back promise you they always come back but not if you text him

8. Oh man, that’s so hard. I’ve been in a similar situation. There’s always people that will say “no response IS a response” and to some extent that’s true, but I don’t like it. It doesn’t allow for closure like a direct “let’s break up.” It’s cowardly and mean. What I did was, I sent a couple short, non-overbearing texts or phone messages, saying that I hope they’re doing ok and wondering if we could talk. I did that over a few days. And when no reply came, I sent a much longer text of everything that was on my mind…..basically the stuff I would’ve wanted to talk about in person had I gotten a reply. Not angry or accusing stuff. But “I” language. I was hurt and confused that I didn’t hear from you, especially because you told me….. I ended with something like, I’m not going to reach out to you anymore, I would still be interested in talking about what’s going on, but you may not want that, and I wish you the best. I never heard back, but it gave me some closure.

9. I wouldn’t wait for your birthday because if you don’t hear from him you will be even more disappointed. It’s perfectly reasonable to text him or call and ask what happened.

10. Everybody saying here that he is not interested or whatever, but it seems like you both were interested. Just to make sure because nobody here mentioned it yet, but can you be absolutely sure that there’s nothing that happened maybe? If you know that he’s read your messages or that he was online or something, then I guess it’s quite clear that it’s just a ghost, but I just wanted to mention it, because you didn’t mention anything about that.

11. Why wouldn’t you just text him & ask? What do you have to loose

12. I’m sorry I know how that can feel. Coming from a man I can say that it’s a 90% chance that he’s found someone whom he likes a bit more.. 9.99% he just isn’t interested and like .01% he’s very dead/sick (or you killed him and covering up lol)

13. Don’t waste your time, hes playing the field. The trip was an opportunity to “do something fun” without strings attached.

14. Yeah you dodged a bullet. He should’ve been forthcoming. Move on and hope you find someone special.

15. Sounds to me like he is married or already in a committed relationship.

16. I know wanting to know why is important but you won’t get a decent answer even he answers. Is a man who ghosts you and doesn’t have the maturity to explain why he doesn’t want a relationship worth your time ?

    Nothing short of being in a coma for 2 weeks would be enough for me to give someone so flakey a chance.

    Understand you deserve better

17. I wouldn’t bother. You’re not going to get an honest answer, or any kind of satisfying answer. Since you are dating others, find your solace there. Don’t pine for people who disrespect you.

18. Yeah seems weird. Maybe something happened to him? If it was me and I really wanted to try to get a reply, at this point I would message him and just plain ask him why he has suddenly gone cold. What would I have to lose? Otherwise just try and move on (as hard as that can be). People kinda suck. You never know though, he might have a reasonable explanation.

19. Did yaw have sex ? He probably thought he would get some . Or he probably got it and now he is done with . Some guys are truly like that truth be told. Another scenario he probably has a wife . Please note I am not trying to be rude

20. Does he have an emergency number of a relative you could call maybe he was in an accident and Has been laid up or some other family emergency came up try to find one of his other friends people who know him and ask, never assume anything

21. Only you can answer whether or not you *should* reach out. You can sit around waiting, but you may never hear anything. You can reach out, but be prepared for something that stings. It might not be about you, but that won’t mean it won’t hurt and that’s okay.

    If you do reach out, think about what the main thing you want to get out of talking to him is. Do you want to 1) achieve an objective (get a need of yours met), 2) maintain the relationship or 3) stand up for yourself. These are part of the interpersonal effectiveness skill set in DBT and can be helpful in writing your text.

    I had a similar thing happen and I did reach out. It took him almost 2 weeks to tell me that things happened and he wasnt interested anymore, but it made me realize I dont want to be with someone who approaches conflict by completely shutting down and shutting me out. I would have liked for him to say he needed to sort through things for himself and hed reach out later. But he didnt and I moved on looking for someone who was willing to communicate with me the way I wanted/needed. So go ahead and reach out, but know that you deserve someone who wont make you worry to the point of checking obituaries.

22. Been on the receiving end, it isn’t the nicest thing to experience.

    I checked obituaries and all. Turns out they just got cold feet and didn’t have the heart to tell me. It hurt, a lot. Wondered for 7 years. It’s horrendous.

23. I would like to extend my condolences, OP.
    Some people just got no shame.

24. Sounds more like you were a benefit on a trip and now you’re been conquered and so you’re no longer needed.