My(28 f) boyfriend (m 30) have had some rocky times lately. One issue is him constantly texting his one female coworker. Therapy helped me with the fact that, hey it might legit be just a work friend and I need to calm the fuck down. I let him know my newfound thinking as he felt like he was “walking on eggshells “ when it came to him talking to her to me.
We went out to dinner, as I was talking to him he was constantly texting her. She was having a work frustration. Someone hadn’t signed something within a timeframe. He had no action item for the situation. Their conversation was about how they both busy and there were joking about being emergency patrol. I’m glad he shared their conversation however did that conversation via text have to go on during our conversation? ( he doesn’t share every text between them. I guess he shared with me because I was basically waiting for him)
I would be talking about something , regarding us. Or something stupid I guess because every time she texted him. He’d pick up the phone and text her back in the middle of my sentence. Like it was the utmost importance. I felt like I’m talking to a wall and end with an open ended question . He of course didn’t respond, because he’s responding to her. So I wait. He tells me her problems and updates me on her situation. Derailing the conversation to her and work.
I understand that work is stressful and she has the right to vent to someone. But I’m I being dumb for being upset that he’s essentially there for her whenever something goes wrong in her life? ( it’s not always about work, issues with her parents. Where as he’s tired about hearing about my parents which I seldom talk about)
If this was a situation where he had an immediate action item I wouldn’t feel this way. But because Lols and jokes were past along. I kind of felt I guess 2nd to her?
TL DR; my boyfriend is texting his coworker about her hardships at work, am I in the wrong for feeling like he’s always there for her
4 comments
This was a situation where he needed to let her know that he would not be able to respond to her until later.
If he has difficulty understanding that this was inappropriate, I think there’s more to this friendship than he’s admitting.
So we don’t know the full story but from your post history, this has been a serious and ongoing issue between you. I think he is behaving inappropriately and has gaslit you into believing it’s a ‘you’ problem that you need therapy for. Even if he’s not flirting (which I think he is), he’s being incredibly rude to you.
This is wildly inappropriate and it’s giving emotional affair. This man is nearly 30. He should know better than interrupting you constantly to comfort his coworkers, let alone some woman. Fuck that.
Nope. Look – people here can disagree but I will tell you these close work relationships that spill out of work into frequent, non stop texting or communicating are HUGE RED FLAGS. It’s not just friends because he surely doesn’t put communication with his other friends over you. What he did to you at dinner should tell you all you need to know. This relationship has become that important to him, is sliding into an emotional affair if it already isn’t one. He has feelings for her. 💯