Men of Reddit, how do you forgive people?

8 comments

1. For me, I never stood a chance of understanding how to forgive others until I decided that forgiveness is something you do for yourself not for others. Sure, it may be related to an injury someone caused you in your life but now I look at forgiveness is a gift you give yourself when you decide you want to start walking down a path away from the hurt itself. At that point, whether or not anyone is remorseful or sorry or even acknowledges the hurt at all becomes irrelevant and moot.

2. Holding grudges takes too much energy. I forgive for my own peace of mind.

3. Forgiveness is getting over it. If it no longer bothers you, it’s done. So, take care of myself so that I no longer feel hurt by whatever it was. It has nothing to do with the other person.

4. Like everything else, it has to be earned. Usually, the four-part apology from a person will do it:

   1. Apologize
   2. Acknowledge what you did wrong and accept responsibility for your actions
   3. Reconciliation (what are you going to do to make it up to the person and how are you going to see to it the offending action will not happen again, then actually do it)
   4. Ask for forgiveness

   Now if you’re asking how to let go of your anger and resentment, that’s a different question.

5. I don’t always immediately do so. Sometimes it takes reflection and humility in realizing what was done is possibly something I do as well without realizing it. Once aware, I forgive the other internally to restore my inner peace. Not all things are forgiven so quickly. It took years, and even time after a family member’s passing before I arrived at forgiveness. That was something my journey through faith has helped with. I’m getting better at this, as I also learn to not be too attached to worldly events, but simply focus on the good and charity I can spread in my own life.

6. I realized a long time ago that I would never get the closure I needed from the people in my family. They are incapable of that kind of empathy. Someone once told me, you can’t get mad at a dog for not knowing how to cook eggs. So I decided that I needed to let go for myself and not for them. I had to cut those people out but I don’t carry that hate in my heart anymore.

   Remember that you forgive for yourself. And holding on to anger is like drinking poison and hoping the other person gets sick.

7. That’s a personal choice and one you need to figure out internally.

   There are things I cannot and will not forgive even in death. For example my family can all drop dead for stealing from my/their sick mother/grandmother over the years.

   But if we are talking about a kid making a mistake and is attempting to fix the mistake. Then forgiveness is on the table.

   Of course I’m cherry picking prime things. Every situation is different.

8. I don’t.