for context, i (19f) used to be someone who would have hookups often to satisfy my high libido, but overtime i just started to crave something more and actually felt like getting into a relationship. so in order to do that, i decided to quit hookups and try to find a date. so far, no success with that but i can say that my libido is as high as ever. i want to have sex but don’t have anyone to have it with and it’s driving me up the wall. i masturbate often but even that isn’t sufficient sometimes. i don’t wanna go back to hooking up and feeling awful after each hookup, but i am horny and i do want to have sex. idk what to do. it feels like there’s no solution to this.
13 comments
R/chastity
As someone with a high sex drive who doesn’t do hookups, I’ve gotten used to delaying gratification in favor of honoring my authentic needs and desires. It’s not fun or comfortable during a dry spell, but staying true to myself by abstaining for periods of time feels better than the alternative. Being horny won’t actually kill you. I don’t know if that helps you at all, but it’s the mindset that’s worked for me.
I hope the way is ….how long?
“I don’t want to be horny anymore. I just want to be happy.”
That’s a big mood for me. I even tried getting into a relationship, it didn’t work out for me.
I’m from a small student town and it makes matters a lot worse for me since word gets around very fast. Maybe we’re all just using sex (hookups) to cope with a void in our lives.
For me, if it isn’t sex it’s something else: Gambling, excessing partying (drinking) or overspending on my hobbies.
Have you tried watching porn? That kind of starts another addiction but masturbating uses only one of our senses and bringing in the visual/audio dimension might make it better. You are really better off if you don’t depend on somebody else for pleasure. You will still be missing the smell/taste/warm feeling of sex but at least it makes masturbation a little more fun. Another thing you could try are sex toys, I know many women who get better orgasms from their toys than a partner.
Proud of your progress! Unfortunately at your age, finding dates is gonna be difficult. I found that most young men tend to think “hook up first and more later”
If at all possible, I would suggest trying to channel that horny energy into hobbies or working towards some sort of career. I spent the last decade “chasing” relationships or sex while I watched my friend stop dating and now she’s fucking crushing it financially!
But If you’d like a totally platonic chat or hangout, I’d love to offer my time!
What about just having video sex with someone? For example you watch me cum and I watch you cum. We both cum and enjoy it, but don’t actually have sex with each other. Sounds odd, but it works. I’ve been horny as hell lately too. And while I would LOVE a hook up with you, I would be down to try a virtual hook up and see if that helps calm the urges down. If not, well, I’m not far from humble 😉. Hope to hear from you soon.
Try finding other outlets to put all that energy into, obviously it won’t be the same but maybe the gym would help?
You learn to master it.
Imagine if you ate a whopper anytime you had a craving for a whopper, or drank alcohol any and every time you wanted to. You’d end up morbidly obese and alcoholic.
The sexual appetite is no different. You learn to master it, or else it becomes your master.
If you ever wanna go on a date lemme know 🙂 no sex
Do you have good sex toys to masturbate with? That can make a big difference.
Okay so as someone (male) with unbearably high libido that hasn’t had sex in a decade I can hopefully weigh in on this. You’re always gonna “want” sex, it’s hard and it sucks. But I was in a similar situation to you random makeouts and hookups were fun in one way but left me feeling almost “guilty and sad” after. Eventually I just sort of filled my time until I found myself in a relationship, with a girl who wanted to wait until marriage. After 4 years of dating 1 of which we were engaged we broke it off. It kind of gave me a mental separation of love and sex and that while they’re not mutually exclusive to each other I understand how both working in tandem can really make a relationship special. It’s been 4 years since then and after a couple random dates (dating through the pandemic these last 2.5 years has been totally a shit show) and still not focusing on sex I’m content waiting til it’s actually right. Yeah can the big lonely or big horny settle in some days? Sure. I think masturbation can help slow the tides a bit but it’ll never be able to stop them. Recently though I’ve been trying to change my dating standards/demographics to give people I usually wouldn’t a chance and I’ve met some nice people. Whether that changes anything, time will tell how it goes with them. So good luck u/faevrise_ hopefully the tide will turn in your favor sometime soon.
I’m willing to to pleasure you as many times as you want