So I am 29F and divorced 2 years ago.
During my marriage I found out I would never be able to carry a pregnancy and my husband was very upset I would never be able to give him a child. I struggled with depression for a long time and he ended up cheating and getting her pregnant so we divorced.
I have been working with a therapist. I moved a few states away and changed careers to something healthier for me. I have found a couple of hobbies and have been much better mentally. I have also started to gain a little weight and have been going to the gym again so I look like a healthy human being again aswell.
I have been playing with fashion. Before this with my depression I didn’t really do anything to look okay. I was so heart broken I pretty much just wore t-shirts and leggings and just didn’t care. I have gotten into wearing more colorful stuff, dresses,and jewelry.
I’ve taken up salsa dancing as well as some ballroom and I’m having a lot of fun with it. I met a lovely gentleman (33) who is my dance partner and we started dating 9 1/2 months ago. He is so much better for me in every way and our relationship has been so much healthier.
I have also been taking painting lessons and I’ve enjoyed that a lot.
I have met some wonderful people along the way and I am happier than I have been in a very long time.
However about a week ago my ex husband started contacting me telling me he is sorry and would like to speak to me. I found out he showed up at my previous place of employment aswell. Though no one there told him anything. My old employer just called to let me know and to tell me she has called her superiors to make sure he doesn’t get any information. I have also called all of my previous places of business ( Bank, medical, etc) to make sure my information stays private.
I have asked him to leave me alone and that he made his own bed. I have no intention of letting my newfound happiness go nor do I trust him.
I am thinking about changing my phone number because he has contacted me from multiple numbers with numerous sob stories. However this is the number my employer, medical provider, and everyone else has so it would be difficult to have it changed for everyone.
I know he doesn’t know where I live. Only my parents know where I live and they actively despise him. I have him blocked on my Facebook page and do not have any personal information regarding my location on there. I mostly just post memes and my dog.
How do I deal with this?
My boyfriend is aware and will do whatever I want to do.
I honestly don’t think he will bother to try to find me. He isn’t violent or anything. I think he’s just now realized that he messed up and is spiraling. He will find someone else to bother soon hopefully.
17 comments
Keep ignoring and keep that toxicity away from your life. You deserve better and you know it.
He doesn’t sound like a threat right now. If at any point you start to feel threatened or he shows up there, call the police and get a restraining order.
Have your lawyer send a cease-and-desist letter to ex, telling him to stop trying to contact you.
Ignore him, don’t engage, and if at all possible, do work towards changing your number, no matter how long it takes! Only let those you trust have the new number at all, and obviously when taking photos don’t share anything that can potentially be traced back to you (ie. Landmarks or other things of that nature). Block him on everything and just let him simmer in his own stew >:((
Keep ignoring him. Don’t let him into your life again.
My ex husband stalked me for three years and texted me one month straighton a new number any time I blocked him on one of those god damn free texting apps. It made my life hell and I couldn’t afford to change my number at the time so I felt like I just had to bare with it.
My now husband, fiancé at this point in time of the story, paid for a new phone for me and a new number.
I often get this reaaaaallllyy uneasy nerve in my head that he’s texting me and honestly it’s had me afraid he’ll get my new number in some magical way.
Best advice is to just get a new phone or number and move a couple houses down from where you are.
Talk to a lawyer about your options. Ignore him. Call your phone company to have his number blocked. If those don’t work then just change your number. It’s a pain in the ass but worth it at that point. Should things escalate at any point, document everything and contact a lawyer.
My man’s out here, just now realizing actions have consequences. Mmm mm mmmmm. That’s some righteous vindication.
The Universe, she loves you both. She gave him what he needed, and now you’ve gotten yours. Sometimes we wish for things, and they come true. I hope you get everything you’ve ever wanted!
You keep doing what you’re doing — keep him blocked on social media, block him on your phone, and continue living your life and enjoying your boyfriend.
It’s worth it to change your number. I’m sorry you’re going through this!!
I don’t really have any advice, but your life sounds amazing and you sound so happy with it. Keep doing what you’re doing and don’t look back!
Send him a C&D. What he’s doing is that he’s found that A, his option didn’t work out so he wants to come back to a “sure thing” and B, you are THRIVING now. He didn’t want you when you were at a low point, only the high point.
“He isn’t violent or anything”
You *cannot* assume this. The things he’s doing (e.g., randomly showing up at your workplace) are extremely concerning and you should take them very seriously. Start planning now for what you’ll do if he escalates his behavior, and consider talking to a lawyer.
Updating your phone number is a relatively minor thing and it shouldn’t be too onerous to change it at work, etc. You could also consider setting up something like a Google voice number that you can access from your current phone.
What about his pregnant side piece? Did he find out that he wasn’t the father or something?
After two years and divorce, why is he trying to contact you? That’s weird
Sounds like you’re really building a solid fun life. You’ve taken all the right precautions and if you have to close the loop, change numbers. Keep moving forward.
Just block his phone number