I’m fat at 95kg, and I am trying to hook up with guys via OLD.
People are consistently surprised at how fat I am. I apparently look much thinner in pictures than I do IRL. I don’t edit my pictures, I have no filters, I just use unedited pictures my friends took or selfies I have. I have consistently gotten the feedback I am fatter than I look in pictures, even though I swear to God I’m not trying to do that.
I have actually lost 5kg since my full-body pics (those are now 2? 3? Months old, face pics are updated more recently) and I’m still getting this feedback when I meet for hook-ups. I don’t want to put a new full-body pic on there since I apparently look fatter now IRL then I do in a picture of me 5kgs heavier. As far as I know my phone camera doesn’t have any weird lenses or anything, but I wouldn’t know how to change that, I literally just use default settings for everything.
Obviously I try to look for good angles and lighting, but I’m surprised at the reactions I’m getting. I really don’t think I look thinner in these pictures at all! I’ve straight up put in my OLD profile now that I’m fatter than I look but the guy I hooked up since still mentioned it to me after we hooked up!
Has anyone had this issue? How can I solve it?
27 comments
A lot of girls use angles and clothing to hide their weight. Advice is to take a picture straight on with clothes that are fitting so it can be seen what your body actually looks like.
I think your dates have just been assholes and you need to keep doing you. It sounds like you’re comfortable and honest about your body (that’s beautiful!) so just keep it up. People loooove to judge others bodies and they feel especially welcome to do so if sex is in the equation, that doesn’t mean you need to make their bullshit your problem. Feel comfortable and beautiful in your skin, stay honest and forget the haters.
If you have body pics they’re just being dicks tbh
If it’s clear that you’re a bit bigger from your photos, then that’s not really hiding your size. Hiding your size would be appearing to be thin when you aren’t.
If your pictures aren’t in specific angles that do this then probably what’s happening is that some insecure dudes or people that feel they’re maybe desperate and going for whatever they percieve as “””easier””” feel like they have to compensate and be mean. It’s important to remember, people being mean is always a reflection on them and not you.
I know you’re just trying to hook up, but maybe vet the people you’re talking to a bit more to see if they’re kind and open.
I mean, this is fairly weird. Weight shows, often. Its hard that if you put bikini pictures you are misleading them. But if this happens consistently, there is obviously something going on.
I don’t discard that some of those guys might be assholes. Ive had men, who I met IRL, try to put me down after having sex with them, or during. Like, the fuck??
My trick when I did online dating was using less flattering pictures, so I’d look a lot better IRL. No complaints, always got told I looked better irl.
You know, just stop trying to satisfy assholes. Don’t put in your profile that you look fatter in real life. You have a bikini picture, you’re not hiding anything.
If you get people complaining that you look fatter in real life than in your pictures, after hooking up with you no less, you should say “My pictures are recent.” And shrug. Or, even better, “nice meeting you, let me show you out”. You weren’t too fat for them to get naked with you so all they are showing you is that they are ASSHOLES. Truly.
At least have one swimsuit/beach/pool pic in your profile. It pretty much shows your body composition in a very easy way, unedited of course. That should clear up the confusion.
Take a picture of your body from the front. As unflattering as it is, if you want ppl to stop saying that, you have to be super honest upfront.
Cant give advice when we cant see the pics, but I made sure to show off my body as honest as possible (front facing) so nobody would feel misled or anything
If they don’t accept you for how you are you don’t need them.
Show us a photo of one of the pictures you look bigger in compared to a photo of what you look like not in a picture
To be fair, men generally do not edit or even angle their selfies on dating sites and 7/10 they don’t look nearly as good irl as their pictures and it confounds me. I’m dating a shorter guy now but mostly they’re less attractive or way smaller/shorter in body size than what it appears on the app.
So it’s not just you.
I would wholly ignore the person on this thread going on about how “nice” pictures are still deceptive. That’s bullshit. You blatantly say in your bio that you’re fat/fatter than the pictures seem for whatever reasons. Anyone hooking up with you had all the information they need to make their choices. Fat women are victims of other people’s post-sex shame so fucking frequently, it wouldn’t surprise me if these guys just want to cover their asses because you’re hot and they slept with you but god forbid they acknowledge they were attracted to a fat person.
If you aren’t editing your photos to be thinner or “hiding” your fatness in some other way, you’re not being deceptive. The whole point of a dating profile is to showcase a concise but complete idea of yourself for people to get to know better, and you’re doing that. I don’t understand at all why you’re being downvoted. You are not the problem here, and nothing about your pictures needs to change.
At MOST I would suggest maybe placing a little more emphasis on the part of your bio that says you’re fat. Like, “Fatter than I appear here. No, REALLY. Expect a fat woman” but honestly that is not a requirement. The fact you mention it at all with your body clearly already on display is a courtesy.
Go ask some dudes out at your school lol. Fuck it why not
I think if you’re including 2-3 full body pictures that are from the last year and you’re wearing most of the same clothes still and weigh within ~5kgs of the weight of the picture being taken you’re not deceiving anyone. You’re right that everyone will try to put their most flattering pictures but that doesn’t make someone look totally different. No matter how I pose it’s easy to see I’m not a size 0… I wouldn’t include “I’m fatter than I look” on your profile. This may make others comment it/ try to use it as a method to put you down.
“I’m fat at 95kg, and I am trying to hook up with guys via OLD.”
There are niche dating apps specifically for guys who are *looking* to hook up with BBWs!
Google BBW dating apps. which stands for (Big Beautiful Woman)
What you want should dictate *where* you shop.
***”Go where you are celebrated, not tolerated. If they can’t see the real value of you, it’s time for a new start.”*** – Unknown
Best wishes!
the comments in here are disgusting. people can have preferences and types but you don’t tell a person they are fatter than in their pictures, you either figure a polite way out of the situation or you realize that this is A PERSON, not a fucking body that should be scrutinized for your liking. if you go on a date and feel deceived about a person’s appearance, you obviously haven’t been on a lot of dates yet. every single profile is a person trying to put their best foot forward. of course this girl is picking the most flattering photos of herself, perhaps subconsciously choosing slimming images and feeling most confident about them because of the impulses which have been instilled in her from the fucking society which thinks it’s okay to comment the kind of bullshit i’m reading right now. Fat is not gross, fat is a compositional aspect of a body. if you can’t look at a photo and have the foresight to realize they either look a little better or a little worse in real life, that’s on you for treating the app like a catalogue. yeah sure it looks like one but the people on there are just more fucking people like you, it’s not a fleshlight collection.
there is no justification for the men telling you that you look fatter/must be deceitful, OP. that is straight douche behavior. tighten the filters you have for yourself. there’s better men out there who actually don’t view women as commodities, who hoe around just fine.
INFO: how tall are you?I wonder if in person you’re looking heavier due to height? Like, shorter women at 95kg are going to look heavier than someone taller. When meeting you they might be thinking you’re X height and are Y height might impact it?
When I was doing OLD, a lot of people were shocked at my height, they expected me to be like 165 cm when I’m barely 152 cm, and I know it impacted how I carried my weight.
Depending on your meaning of “hook up,” it could very well be the dudes you’re hooking up with. Most hookup dates are shallow and interested only in physicality and getting off.
Continue to take part in that culture, be prepared for the callous feedback. Reason why when I did take part in it I’d tell women, “not much to look at, but I fuck like the government.”
You said you look for good angles and lighting…don’t do that then
You’re probably taking really flattering pics and that’s okay we all do. Maybe post a less flattering one. I’ve heard that advice before where it good to post at least one not great pic on dating profile just so they see a different side of you.
Honestly it just sounds like you’re dating assholes. 👀
My dumb ass trying to figure out what app OLD is
They’re just negging. Ignore them.
Is your pics recent? And wat angles? I’ve seen some women cover up really well by taking good angled selfies. Don’t want to do that. If you don’t have full body pics then get some. You’ll have a bad time otherwise.
Source: I’m fat
I’m a fat girl with visible collar bones. I can relate. Sometimes people don’t even realize I’m fat until I stand up. It completely sucks
Everybody uses their best pics on dating apps, I don’t think you should change that. If guys think you look fatter, f+ck ’em, they should expect it
Everyone puts their best foot forward on dating profiles and picks the best pictures. You’re not photoshopping or using 5 year old photos, so don’t feel bad for using flattering angles and lighting. Literally every woman is trying to find the best lighting and angles. They’ll see you in person when they meet you and can decide from there whether to keep going or not.