I’ve struggled with this for awhile now. I’m in multiple online groups, I notice if I make friends online by texting (and never meet them IRL) I tend to come across sometimes very annoying, misinterpreted, immature and insensitive. A lot of people can’t stand me.
**Yet** when I talk to people through voicechat online or just IRL in general, people tell me I am very likeable, kind, open-minded, things like that. I can notice the difference about myself too. I feel more respectful to people.
My first presumption is that in my head I have this dramatic expression of how I would conversate with someone so they could indicate I was joking, but online, they can’t see emotions, only text. So I tend to always come across as an asshole.
My second presumption is that I can get bored online easily, reading peoples conversations about things I’m not interested in. So I end up just messaging people dumb things to try and change topic, sometimes shit-posty like, just to get a reaction. I don’t do this IRL.
I don’t know how to change these things about myself and am open to any advice. Thank you
3 comments
Are you me? Lol..i have this same issue.
I think you have figured out why you are received differently online than IRL, and you make some good points. (I’m so glad to hear it is your online persona that struggles socially because that’s an easier fix!)
There are some elements missing when communicating via text (voice tone, gestures phrasing, pacing, emphasis, etc) and people tend to be braver with snarky or sarcastic comments when that can’t see if the recipient is hurt or offended.
You don’t have to use conversational turn taking when messaging, so people tend to “interrupt” or respond impulsively without thinking things through. They can also easily leave a conversation, disappearing into cyberspace, without social consequence.
Consider that it might not be all on you. You never know who you are conversing with online or what their motives might be, so you could be offending someone who misunderstands you and feels no responsibility to ask further questions or “work it out.” IRL we feel a greater sense to be courteous and try to reach some understanding.
That’s normal, because if you say something bad to someone in real life, he’ll kick your ass, but you can hide behind your keyboard online.
and I think we all do that.