So my girlfriend (21f) and I (21m) have been dating for almost two years but over the last year we have progressively continued to get into more and more arguments with each argument being worse than the last and having more lasting effects on my mental health.
the reason i mentioned the time frame of this last year is because almost a year ago my girlfriend and i got into a huge argument and she ended up saying she was done which i ended up having to accept, but she then came back and said she didn’t mean it. of course i love her so we ended up staying together but i truly believe that was one of the moments that changed our relationship since it felt like she gave up.
during the fall semester i was able to keep myself busy so there were arguments, but never any that led to someone saying that they were done. during this last semester( spring semester), is where it started to get more stressful and the arguments starting to pick up the pace. my girlfriend and i would argue to where she would say things like “she doesn’t care” and “that nothing matters” and of course that she was done. during these arguments i started to say that i was done too. i would bring up points about our relationship and say lets be done. so i view fault on both sides since the arguments were both our faults and we both said to be done. but i still ended up pretty hurt by these things and these arguments took a lot out of me including a lot of time that i should of spent else where.
around a little more than a month ago, she ended up getting drunk and saying how she was done, how she was going to enjoy the single life. this devastated me for a while and i ended up needing to drop classes because of it; but then she came back and said she didn’t mean any of it and she said those things because she wanted ME to be the one to leave because she assumed i was unhappy based on some of the things said during the arguments. she came to my place to say this to me out of nowhere so i ended up forgiving her and taking her back, but since then i look at the relationship in a different way because i was ok with her saying she was going to enjoy the single life even though i felt like i should of been angry.
as of right now, we still get in arguments and i no longer find the same excitement to talk to her as i used too since it always leads to arguments and to make things worse, i found out that because of this last semester and how poorly i did, i may need to take an extra year including a summer semester with every semester being jammed packed with classes, which may jeopardize any chance of an internship. im so disappointed in myself for letting it get to this point and am ashamed that i didnt do better with my academics, wishing that i spent more time focusing on that instead. but then i think of all the things i loved doing with her that it just confuses me. i want it to work out but i also don’t believe i have the time to focus on anything else now because of this semester. i just want someones advice on what to do
5 comments
Leave honestly
stressful? honey it is straight up toxic đź’”
Can you think of a single good reason to stay in this relationship?!
You’re young. You have so much time to find someone to have a normal relationship with. This constant quarrelling isn’t normal, especially not at the beginning of a relationship. Chances are strong it’s only going to get worse over the years.
If your serious about your education then it should come first before a relationship. The constant arguing why are you even together, don’t say because you love her, because when two people really love each other their relationship isn’t going to be like that. It’s a mess, and your a mess because of that, and her constant I am done. She is a lot, and it’s affecting your mental health, plus your schooling and grades. It may hurt to end it, but you will have plenty of time to date and be in a relationship after you graduate, and you seemed very disappointed when you realized it could possibly jeopardize an internship as now you got to work even harder in school, what if you have to push your schooling back more because of your messed up relationship. If you was to get an internship things would probably be worse, because you can’t treat it how you treat your schooling right now or you won’t make it. Also if your parents are one who think schoolbos important they would probably be mad that you let a girl come before your schooling, and would tell you to break up with her.
Sounds like the relationship is unhealthy, and you both could take some time to be single, mature, do what you need to do for yourselves individually then maybe come back to each other, or move on.