Disclaimer: I’m not inexperienced, entitled, or an incel. I understand that this is a sensitive topic that attracts those kinds of people and advice for their situation, so I just wanted to make sure we’re all on the same page here.
I (M24) am generally happy with my sexual experience. I was kind of a late virgin, but then I had 2 longer relationships with really strong and fulfilling sex that allowed me to try out everything I’ve ever wanted and and learn how to meet my partner’s needs as well. Now I’m at a point in life where I really need to focus on myself and my goals, so I’m getting more interested in casual stuff, but I’m really struggling with how it all works.
I used to have self esteem issues, so I didn’t really meet or approach many women and I understand why I wasn’t very attractive back then. That has improved a lot in the past few years and now I have no problems meeting and being friendly with new people. I don’t really have a problem getting the traditional kind of date where we go out for a drink, or a walk, or a movie, then progress further after a few of those. Where I really struggle is the spontaneous stuff. The one night stands, the hookups, the fooling around with either friends or strangers.
It seems to come so naturally to my friends and other people I see at parties, but I’ve just never had anything happen. Not that I go to parties specifically to hook up, but I’ve had plenty of nights where the vibe seemed to be there and nothing ended up happening. Same thing over tinder, I try to make it very clear what I’m looking for, but I’ve had several encounters end up at the “I’m looking for a committed relationship after all” stage.
I’m worried that I’m just not the right person for this kind of stuff. I can get flirty, but I’m still not 100% sure how to be overtly sexual with someone I don’t know that well. I feel like at these parties and gatherings, people are speaking a language of body signals and social cues I was never taught.
So yeah, that’s all I gotta say. Any input or advice is appreciated.
2 comments
>I (M24) am generally happy with my sexual experience. I was kind of a late virgin, but then I had 2 longer relationships with really strong and fulfilling sex that allowed me to try out everything I’ve ever wanted and and learn how to meet my partner’s needs as well. Now I’m at a point in life where I really need to focus on myself and my goals,
Who tf are you, me?
Only thing different here is im a year younger lol. I have never understood how it works, i have never attempted it, and i dont think i want to. Almost nothing good can come frome it. Im personally just focusing on myself and my goals exclusively. Id say just accept yourself for who you are and dont try to be something youre not. Still valid to try it tho if you think you can do it🤷♂️
So I have a pretty similar background but I am older than you. I was told that it’s a thing and called demisexual. I tend to rationalize this in my head by viewing FWB / one-off hookups as just another sexual preference that I am simply not into. You know, kind of like e.g. I simply don’t think I can enjoy any kind of threesomes, it’s just not my thing.