At what age did you start valuing partners for personality and traits more than appearance?

34 comments

1. I find people attractive

   But have never sought a relationship based on looks

   Ever

   It’s always been about the personality

   I just got lucky and married a straight up 10 in both

2. I always have

3. Some philosophers think we seek balancing characteristics. For the sake of children. Like a boring person would seek a fun one. Feminine seeks masculine. Tall seeks short.

4. Since I was 10, maybe.

5. Pretty early on. I went to school with a few really pretty girls who were horrible to most people. They were pretty. They were not attractive.

6. I haven’t ever done that. I think looks and personality have to be proportionate to a level that they are indistinguishable or my mind will always wonder if there’s better.

7. I think I’ve always pursued relationships based on feelings, and I’m obviously attracted to them initially, but if there’s something that bothers me personality wise, I’ve always ended things, no matter how hot I find them.

8. 18.

   When I got a crush on someone who I considered «ugly», when I first met her. Actually she is beautiful in her unique appearance, and I am ashamed of my first judgement of her looks.

   But her personality is another level of honesty, kindness and empathy.

9. I’ve always valued someone’s personality and the emotional connection I have with them over their appearance, but that doesn’t mean appearance ever becomes irrelevant. I wouldn’t date someone who I wasn’t attracted to just because they happen to be really nice because attraction matters. We also don’t know if someone is a compatible person for us at first glance, we only know if they’re attractive, so looks is what initially draws most of us and the emotional connection comes later.

   My love for my girlfriend goes far beyond her appearance, but if she hypothetically gave up entirely and gained 80 pounds it would be a difficult conversation for us because for as much as I love her I still want to be physically attracted to who I’m with.

10. I would say mid Twenties. I used to date solely on looks and ended up getting nothing real out of it. Got lucky when I met my wife right when I was changing my life around and have never been happier. First baby is on the way now!

11. There was never a time where I valued appearance more than personality when it comes to dating/romance. That being said, for me, no amount of personality can make up for a complete lack of attraction.

12. Personality has always been the trait that drove me to wanting to be with a specific partner.

13. About 23

14. It’s all melded together for me. I mean, I can appreciate certain features individually but it’s the sum of the parts that either does it or not.

15. Around 22 when I met my now ex-wife.

16. 15 yo

17. It was always like that. Which made me feel like a weirdo for a long time, never fitting in.

18. Oh, I always looked at personality and traits. My problem was that I was attracted to personalities and traits that are actually signs of toxic behavior and personality disorders. It took me almost 50 years to figure it out.

19. Since I was old enough to date

20. 20

21. Always. There were times when I was just into casual sex and I made that clear.
    But in search for a partner, I always went for soul rather than body

22. I agree with some ppl here.Being pretty or good looking doesn’t always equal “attractive”. I’ve met some guys who are super hot but after talking to them for an hr , I got completely turned off by their personalities. After that I dint even find them hot in any way… and contrary to that I’ve met some guys I didn’t find them attractive at first but after getting to know them , I couldn’t get my mind off them ☺️ But I’m this way since high school.

23. My emphasis shifted more from appearance to values. However, health and fitness are values important to me. So I am not compatible with someone who doesn’t take care of their body or value healthy nutrition.

24. What?

    Ya can’t motorboat a personality

25. never, theyre both important, a balance is good

    little bit of both. i good personality cant make up for a horrid appearance and a good appearance cant make up for a horrid personality.

26. Let’s put it this way. A certain amount of beauty will make up for a less-than-charming personality (as long as she’s not crazy). But no amount of great personality will make a difference if the attraction isn’t there.

27. 15.

    I did not care what they looked like, if they wanted to fuck me.

28. I’ve always appreciated intelligence and personality more than looks. People’s outward appearance changes as they age and beauty doesn’t last forever. But, if you’re going to live with someone long term, who they are as a person determines if your relationship is going to last.

29. Always valued that.

30. When I was in middle school and high school I wanted to be with attractive guys, but I think once I got into college it started to change. I think I’m college I had more of a chance to talk to guys and get to know them and that would make someone more attractive to me.

31. Around my 30s after a couple major cases of hot = crazy i had to really reevaluate what it was i truly needed in a relationship.

32. I could be great friends with a physically unattractive woman with a great personality and wit. I could have a fun hook up with a physically attractive woman with a lacklustre personality. But to have an ongoing romantic relationship she has to tick both boxes.

33. I’ve always valued personality much more provided a certain aesthetic standard has been met, which isn’t difficult.

34. In terms of dating and relationships, the older I get, the more important physical attraction is to me.

    It’s just shedding away all the nonsense boys were told about relationships when we were growing up.

    Physical attraction is actually super important.