I used to really love my job. Since I started six years ago, I have been repeatedly praised for my ability to bring teams together and collaborate. I also used to get along fabulously with my boss and another VP, I’ll call Sue. Sue and my boss are very right. And Sue has been a great help to me in the past.
A couple years ago Sue hired one of her best friends, Jane. Jane had a newly created position, and it wasn’t really producing value, so I know there was a lot of pressure. The issue is that Jane really decided to overcome this and show her value by targeting me and my team since we work adjacently.
She had repeatedly/continuously undermined me to the point that other people (not to my knowledge at the time) pointed it out to her, because they felt it was poorly influencing a new hire. Apparently, Jane took this feedback to Sue and said she was being attacked. Jane has continued to find any reason to complain about my team and exaggerate issues or circumstances to make herself appear more valuable. I ignored it largely because I am a manager and thought my work would prove itself as it has over the past several years.
Every time I raised valid concerns to Jane, she stonewalled and every time I brought up concerns to Sue (her boss/friend), I was told she was working on it OR Sue would throw some unrelated thing that Jane said was wrong about my team back at me as if it is a competition and not genuinely trying to solve problems. I could eventually see that Sue’s perception of me was being influenced heavily by Jane and it was starting to show in my boss too.
Again, I opted not to really watch what I brought up to my boss because I wanted to be the bigger person and didn’t want to look petty. For example, when I saw critical mistakes Jane made in a presentation to a client, I politely pointed them out and provided a source for my correction and moved on. I didn’t try to play the same game and trash talk her to my boss or other people.
It was/is exhausting. It has affected my ability to sleep, my anxiety is up, and I am not motivated. I am so stressed I even had a miscarriage.
Jane has now been promoted and will be leading my team while I work on other projects in the organization. My boss said it’s because I’m so great at these types of projects. That is BS. I know is because Jane went around tearing me down until she was able to influence Sue (and my boss was influenced via Sue). Sue even at one point tried to get me to say that I would leave the company after I finish my masters program anyway…this was not my plan, but I am sure she saw it as the easiest alternative between figuring out what to do with me and her friend. Everyone who isn’t Sue, Jane, or my boss is shocked by the recent change.
I used to really trust my boss and still do in most ways. We had spoken in the past about how if I ever wanted to move on, she would support me and I could tell her I was looking, blah blah. I believe that 100%.
My issue is that if I tell her I am looking and why, I might look petty + I don’t really have a solution/think there is one. If I don’t tell her I am looking, I think I might also negatively impact our relationship or perception of me.
I have a mid-year review coming up and thought about writing about my issues in there as another alternative. But, I am someone who has always been able to resolve things with people without complaint, and I don’t want it to be documented if it doesn’t have to be.
Should I talk to my boss? Write about it in my mid-year? Just continue looking for a job and never mention it?
TLDR; VP at work hired her bestie who in turn has undermined me and succeeded in influencing her friend/VP and in turn, my own boss. Should I talk to my boss and tell her I am at the point that I need to look for other jobs?
7 comments
Start looking for jobs and don’t tell them. After sometime i would have a conversation with your boss about the toxic work environment. Tell them then that you are in a position to look for other work. If nothing changes then leave. Try to have an offer before seeing your boss.
Hi OP, please do not try to influence the situation by complaining. Instead treat this as an opportunity to watch from afar at what Sue true abilities are as she now has to produce and keep the team together and happy. If she is truly inept, then the situation will fold like a house of cards. You want to be far away from that so she cannot blame you for her failure.
In the meantime, take your new project and make it succeed beyond all expectations. Get the scope and expectations from leadership and keep them advised on progress. Be organized and swift to make corrections if it veers off the desired path. Make this project your masterpiece to prove you are worthy.
Also keep your ear to the ground about rumors and prepare your parachute in case it is needed. Polish your resume with all of your latest results going back at least three years.
Take a peek at the open jobs within the company and in the industry in your area. Complete your degree and immediately add it to your resume. Be as prepared as you can in case Sue’s protégé proves to bad news for the unit and wrecks it productivity.
You appear to be a smart cookie, so think in 3d while Sue and Jane are too focused on friendship and not the success of the business. Your boss may be next victim of Jane’s ambition so watch what that can do to you. If things get bad, do not hesitate to pull the eject handle and move to another division or company. Either way, stay focused on doing the best you can do and do not worry about Jane, that situation will self correct. Good Luck!
Sorry you’re going through this. It sounds like the die is cast and they’ve made their decisions. I don’t think much will come of talking to your boss, she’ll probably just continue trying to put a positive spin on their decisions. I also don’t see much use in telling your boss you are looking for a job while you’re still searching, and I think she would understand why you didn’t tell her.
From a realistic standpoint it’s probably time to change companies anyway. Have you been given consistent raises that exceed the rate of inflation?
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What a shit situation to be in.
First and foremost you need to change your approach to your job role now and the primary focus and objective is to protect yourself.
You are NEVER ever going to ‘win this war’ as such.
-First off there is Jane, who your VP Sue is a personal best friend of and who employed her. Jane is bulletproof protected. Jane probably wouldn’t even end up on an internal disciplinary charge even if she made some serious fundamental mistakes. Why? Because of Sue being her protector. Jane cannot under any circumstances be held accountable for any issues that occur under her remit and responsibilities. Jane can have significantly poor leadership, poor performance, poor skills, inadequate results etc etc BUT nobody will ever hear anything about that, Jane won’t have monitored monthly performance reviews, absolutely nothing will happen to her, because she is totally bulletproof.
This is because Sue’s internal professional reputation is at stake, Sue brought her in to the company as a recommendation and validated her ability and credentials for the new job role plus recent internal transfer. As a result if ANYTHING of a negative nature, like some of the examples I gave above, comes up with regards to Jane, then it is Sue that looks the clown idiot. Jane’s conduct is totally reflective on Sue and actually not Jane. So it is in Sues best interests to protect Jane for the sake of protecting Sue herself. Also it’s her best friend so she is going to protect Jane for that also.
You say that Jane has managed to change other colleagues and managements view with regard to yourself OP. I would be inclined to think that Jane actually probably hasn’t and isn’t responsible for this. Being a new employee at any company within the first say 12 months the last thing you would do is go round shouting your mouth off and saying negative things about an existing employee. It takes several months to settle in and get to know who is who in the company and what their job title is, learn who the management & exec teams are. Finally it takes probably even longer to understand the dynamics between employees in the company, which employees are close friends and socialise out side of work, which employees don’t get on, which employees not to trust because they are management pets and which employees to trust. So there is no way in the world that Jane would have gone round saying things in this way. You actually say that she did try and undermine you and your colleagues pulled her up, so she would have stopped it right there. Also look how quick Jane went running to Sue when challenged by her own colleagues.
In my opinion it is probably Sue that has been chief in this, talking up her friend and hire Jane to management at the risk of sacrificing you.
As I said at the beginning of my reply you now need to change your approach to totally protecting yourself. So you need to make sure that you do the following;
– Make sure that Jane has not one reason to complain about you or your team
– Any issues or circumstances that arise from the job you do or from the team…..Then drop your direct report manager an email highlighting the issues or situation. That way you totally shut down Jane from being the first one to report them intentionally trying to drop you in it but also your email outlines what’s what so Jane can’t put her spin and exaggeration on it. If your direct management report is Sue, obvs Janes bestie, then send the email highlighting whatever issue or situation that has come up but also make sure to CC in another management person or Sue’s boss so that Sue cannot claim to have not received an email etc trying to protect herself and Jane
– No longer engage or communicate with Jane verbally. If there is a need to do so for work purposes then ONLY ever communicate with Jane over email. That way you have a clear paper trail of what’s been said between you both. That way Jane can’t throw you under the bus by lying and saying that you verbally said this or that and didn’t say this or that. If Jane tries to talk to you in person, then just politely reply to her that “sorry Jane I am busy at the minute, can you just drop me a email with whatever.
– Do not trust any other colleagues regardless of how long you have known them and your relationship with them. Do not discuss your opinions about Jane to anyone, not even those colleagues who may not like her either, protect yourself remember.
– Make sure you have dotted the ‘I’s and crossed the ‘T’s in all of your work at present and going forward.
– Do not raise any concerns with Jane regardless if they are valid or not other than to do so via email only.
From what you said about raising valid concerns with Jane and then escalating them to Sue – what you said about Sues response to you proves that she is protecting both Jane and herself.
Where you mentioned pointing out the critical mistakes in Janes presentation to a client you should never have done this. In doing this you have twice shot yourself in the foot here. First shot is that you pointing this out, Jane can run back to Sue and make a complaint about you saying that you were attacking her and her work, she had already complained she was being attacked on a previous occasion. The second shot and the most important one is that this woman is trying to majorly fuck you over as often as possible, so why would you point out the critical mistakes in her presentation to a client? By pointing them out you are actually saving Janes backside here when she is trying to destroy you. Secondly if you didn’t point them out then the client would have picked up on them at some point and they would have taken the issue up with management being they were critical mistakes. This then exposes Janes ability to do the job and as this would have come from the client then Jane doesn’t have a leg to stand on coming out with shit like she is being attacked again.
WHAT YOU NEED TO REMEMBER HERE is that Jane will hang herself in this job going by her lack of ability that i sense from your original post. Her targeting you all along is clearly her using you to distract and redirect focus away from herself and onto you. You may reply to me that the company could potentially have lost a client from Janes various critical mistakes and you highlighted them not to save Janes bacon but you done it out of loyalty to your employer, well stop those thoughts right there. Your company employed Jane and if she makes critical fundamental mistakes then that’s the responsibility of the company employing her.
I just wanted to highlight something you said in your original post that may not seem all that important to you or you haven’t given it much thought and that’s this; “I thought my work would prove itself AS IT HAS over the past several years”. Just because this silly cow has come in the last 18-24 months or so, it’s immaterial what she has said or sue has said, people in management as well as colleagues know exactly who you are, the projects and work you have accomplished over the last 6/7 years and there has never ever been any issues with you until this cow started. Don’t assume that management aren’t aware of what’s going on, they have to remain pally with Sue still.
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In answer to your questions at the end of your post
– “Should you talk to your boss?” —> No absolutely not, as I said trust no one for the time being and going forward. You don’t know what Jane has said to Sue and what Sue may have said to your boss and other management team members about you whilst protecting themselves.
– “Write about it in your Mid year?” —> No, Absolutely NOT. Just complete your mid year performance review exactly the same as you would any other year. If you aren’t mentioning any of this anywhere (formal complaint, mid year, off the record chat) and yet Jane is making complaints like she has already, mentioning it to others then it clearly looks like Jane is the only one who has issues and is the trouble maker.
Now normally OP i would have advised that you should make a formal complaint about Jane and all of this and yes put it in your mid year but due to the fact that Jane has her best friend Sue who is a VP fighting her corner and protecting her and Sue having existing relationships with her fellow VPs and the exec board it would be foolish of you to report or say anything at all in case Sue leverages her position and influences the complaint process which in all honesty I think she would. So as I said say nothing about Jane to anyone at work either formally or informally and let Jane naturally come across as the problematic and troublesome one which she is.
– “Just continue looking for a job and never mention it ?” —> Any job you have now or in the future you should always be keeping an eye out for another job as you never know what may come up that could be your next role. Always keep a view on who is recruiting. Also your question saying should you tell your boss that your at the point of looking for a new job is pointless, your an adult and your boss won’t turn around and beg you to stay, any employee’s position is expendable and in the current climate around the world after Covid there are enough people to fill the role.
Don’t concern yourself with the fact she has recently been promoted, that is great news and you should be celebrating it because it means that Jane will be more visible to VPs and execs now, there is no hiding place if she makes any mistakes and with the extra responsibilities comes more opportunities for her to make a fuck up but a bigger fuck up.
What you need to do now is totally focus on yourself and protecting yourself with the examples I gave and not focusing on Jane. Doing this will help you return to getting back into a regular sleep routine, which means less exhaustion and anxiety. I am sorry that you miscarried and are having to go through all this stress but it’s down to you now to reclaim control of your life and no longer let Jane dictate things
Get a new job offer lined up. Document all the reasons you are leaving and have them ready for future interviews. Make sure you give your 2 week notice so you don’t lose your vacation pay. If they won’t give you vacation pay, I say fuck the 2 week notice, tell them you’re quitting and ghost.