hey all.
so i’ve always known a tiny bit about what BDSM is about but never dove in since i was with my boyfriend who wasn’t really into it for 7 years. we broke up about 7 months ago and over the course of that time, i’ve done some exploring on other subreddits that really peaked my interest. i hooked up with a guy a few months back who was into role-playing, dominating, and bondage and it was really exciting for me but a bit embarrassing since i had no idea what i was doing. after a couple of those encounters, i realized that i really want to educate myself and explore on myself what i like and don’t like. i’m really shy about exploring with others (mainly because i am 29 years old with no experience and am into men a bit older than me and want to be confident) and don’t want to get caught too in my head in the moment.
my friend introduced me to the FetLife website which i signed up for but haven’t paid for yet since i’m not sure if it’s a good place to be. the reason i say that is because (for one example) there was a post about how being a dom is a position (for lack of a better word?) that takes a lot of time and experience and people in their 20’s who say are doms probably have no idea what they’re doing and are just horny people who want their way with the other person. although i totally get what they were saying, i wasn’t sure if that was true or if it was gatekeeping a bit? some people commented saying they knew what the position entailed as a mid 20 year old and others said they were just doms in training because it takes years of experience.
so not even that i only want to learn about dom/sub, but i want to learn about the different kinks in an open minded and educated way so that i can explore without being corrupted by gatekeepy-ness or a closed mind.
does anyone know if FetLife is a good place to start? any subreddits that are legit? i’m even down to read books if anyone has recommendations. maybe join some really open minded and safe space discords. i think i’d be super into it, i just want to make sure i come at everything from a positive and open minded place 🙂
2 comments
The podcasts I listen to mention FetLife often. You will need to start by finding an event/show in your area and meet folks there to really get started. Look up the podcast Sex, Sin and Sensibility. Their 5/24/22 podcast discusses unlocking your inner Dominant and there are several pointers to getting into the life. Be safe and enjoy!
There are lots of great books out there for this. I wrote one called [101 Kinky Things Even You Can Do](http://101kinkythings.com) and I’d also recommend the book *SM 101* by Jay Wiseman and any books from the Toybag Guide series. Kink Academy is also a good educational website on various kinks.