I(17M) met this girl, we’ll call her Kayla, just over a year ago and we instantly hit it off. She has had a boyfriend for as long as I’ve known her so I had never thought about any sort of romantic relationship with her. Now we’re extremely close. Behind my best friend, Kayla’s probably the person that I’m closest to.
Everything was going alright until about 6 months of our relationship, when I started noticing some feelings for her. I tried to just tell myself that they were just the regular warm fuzzy feelings that you get whenever your around someone that you’re that close to, and at first that was all it was.
But it soon became apparent that I was falling in love. So I figured that it was just some small crush. I knew that I couldn’t act on it and I never had any problems with jealousy over her boyfriend or anything. I assumed that I could just wait it out and it would go away.
In the past few months though her relationship with her boyfriend became more rocky and she started getting closer to me. She texts me almost all day and in general just started to seem more comfortable around me. In the past month I started imagining a life with her and I realized that things were going too far. I tried to distance myself from her.
If anything that just made it worse. I felt like I lost something and she started to notice too. She asked if I was mad at her or if something was wrong, and I just lied and told her that I was busy with work or something. But I could tell that she didn’t buy it and she seemed upset.
It all came down to one night recently when she was at my house for a barbeque. Her boyfriend couldn’t make it and he was mad at her because she came over, even though there were a bunch of other people there too. She didn’t seem too bothered by the fact though and seemed to be having a good time.
It was later in the night when everybody started going home and we were just talking when she said, “Imagine if I’m not supposed to be with \[her boyfriend\] and I’m meant to end up with you? What if we’re supposed to get married?” I got kind of uncomfortable by it and I said something about how it would be weird or awkward and she seemed kind of let down by it.
So then ever since then I’ve been wondering if she feels the same way that I do. Her boyfriend has also made some passive-aggressive “jokes” about how Kayla was in love with me and they’d start arguing because of it.
I’ve still tried to keep my distance so that her boyfriend doesn’t think that I’m involved in anything.
Now I’m not sure how I should go about the situation. Should I cut off contact with her? Should I tell her how I feel? I’m lost
tl;dr I have feelings for my friend and I think that she might feel the same way for me, but she’s in a relationship already and I don’t know what to do
3 comments
Some might say to hold it in. I say, since it’s influencing your friendship anyway, write her a letter. Say all you have to say, including how you don’t want to be that guy that end another’s relationship or have her become that girl that branches from guy to guy. Explain that you don’t know what’s the right solution, but you hope to have time apart to sort yourself and hope if she feels the same, she’d also sort those feelings.
Either way, you’re both young and at a great period to try and err
Honestly, you dont want to be rebound guy. If she is flirting, tell her that you arent interested in getting involved while she is still involved with someone else. And even if she broke up with him tomorrow, its probably smart to wait awhile before jumping right into another relationship.
Tell her the truth. Do it in person. Say what you said here.
“I started noticing things about six months ago.”
“I thought it was just a crush. I felt I could handle it and remain friends.”
“I realized that I was falling in love with you the more time we spent together.”
“I know your relationship with your boyfriend is rocky. I backed away as to not be the cause of you two splitting up.”
You can either deal with her not feeling the same, or deal with her feeling the same. Either way, this skulking about crap isn’t cool.