Throwaway account
On a recent work trip, one of my coworkers (32M) who’s in the same team as me went out for dinner with some of our other coworkers. He messaged me after midnight to ask if I wanted to get drinks at the hotel bar which I agreed to, thinking it was the same group of coworkers returning (we’re all staying at the same hotel). Turns out he took the same taxi as 2 other coworkers, went to his room and came down the side exit to meet me at the bar and didn’t tell anyone else he was going for drinks with me.
Anyway, we had drinks and he started telling me about his marriage – he’d been with his partner for 5 years and have an open marriage. We’ve always just been normal coworkers but he was quite touchy feely with me, putting his hands on my shoulders, back and knees when talking. We ended up getting a few more drinks and nothing more physical happened.
I guess I’m just a bit weirded out as the way he went to get drinks with me felt a bit dodgy but then also I guess his touchy feelyness could just be him being friendly? Am I overthinking things?
tl;dr: coworker was a bit dodgy about going for drinks, told me about his open marriage and was weirdly flirty. Am I overreacting?
7 comments
Yeah, be weirded out. I bet his wife doesn’t know their relationship is open.
SKETCHY. Iād hard pass on this drama time bomb
That absolutely sounds like he’s hitting on you. Getting involved with colleagues is always a terrible idea, and if you have no interest in him you need to tell him.
I agree with someone else I bet the wife doesn’t know their in an open relationship! Or why would he be so sneaky š¤… like if it was teally open surely everyone would know, so why sneak out š
Him touching you is not him being friendly nor did you ask for him to do that. Keep your distance maybe joke and say I’ll have to friend your wife on facebook and as her al about this open marriage stuff I couldn’t ever do something like that. Kind of in a way like you want to ask her questions about the open marriage and how can she be okay with it kinda like girl talk. That fear of you telling her should shut him down.
Does his wife know their marriage is open? Sketchy af
Don’t meet this guy alone anymore. And don’t dismiss his touchy feelyness. He apparently didn’t rub your back when the other people were around and he probably didn’t offer them any backrubs either. Maybe you don’t want to report this (yet), but this is a coworker to avoid. Don’t shit where you eat and all that and it seems like he was inappropriate. This type of conduct is not usually what companies accept during work.
The wife probably doesn’t know she’s in an open marriage.
So that was sexual harassment. He doesn’t need to share his “open marriage” unless he wants to have sex with you, making it inappropriate. Plus the “booty call” late night timing, as well.
You could use work communication to send him a clear message. “Please do not contact me outside of what is required for our professional relationship and work.” Or something similar. If he persists, you either go to HR or get a new job.
Expect him to take another run at you. Or your coworkers, when opportunity presents itself.