Ideally after how long of dating should you get engaged? I’m 21, just graduated college and about to start my first full time job while my boyfriend is in his mid 20s w/ a stable career. We’ve known each other for about 3 years now and we’ve been dating for about 1 year. I’ve lived with him at his place towards the end of zoom uni (so for a few months) so we know each other’s living style. I’ve also met his family members + friends and he’s met mine and we get along really well
We’re like 99% sure that we want to spend the rest of our lives with each other and my boyfriend has even talked about marriage (e.g., if i were to propose to you within the next year how would you react) but I didn’t really know how to respond bc on one hand ik this is the person i want to be with but on the other I’m still 21. What’s a good length of time to date before getting engaged?
TLDR; how long of dating b4 getting engaged?
6 comments
There is no set rule. And it’s actually only a “promise” to marry. So if something bad happens you can, not get married.
Take your time. People will pressure you in your 20s to get married, a mortage and a minivan with 3 kids if you aren’t careful. Make sure you’re ready and marrying for the right reasons. Don’t buy into the American dream so easily.
I would suggest waiting until the honeymoon phase is over to see if you’re truly compatible/this is what you want. Your hesitation implies that you’re not ready, and thats okay. “Marrying too young” is a common cause for divorce and the rate of divorce for couples who got married b/w 20-25 yrs old is about 60% so your concerns are justified.
That said, if you get engaged, you can opt for a long engagement. There’s no need to rush.
Don’t rush into a marriage. You are going to change so much over the next few years in finding out who you are as a person and what you want out of life. Who you are at 25 is not going to be the same person you are right now at 21.
If you really want to be with this man, waiting to get married should not be a big deal.
Consider living together for one year, before getting engaged. Many people are pretty good at keeping up a front, but not usually for more than 6 or 8 months if you live together.
Consider pre marital counselling as well. It can help make sure you talk about all the important things before you tie the knot. Finances, living situation, children, extended family moving in(or not), elder care, traveling/vacations, retirement planning, moving for work, kind of house to live in, medical preferences and requirements Etc etc. Lots to consider, better to work it out over time. That way you can both give it some deeper thought and consideration.
Finally you working may change your relationship dynamic. It’s different when you are in school vs trying to make it professionally. That he’s been supportive of student you, does not mean he will be equally supportive of equal partner you, unfortunately.
Better to know that, before you get married.
Personally I would live together for AT LEAST a year before getting engaged, and then have a long engagement (18+ months). 21 is pretty young to be making this kind of decision so make sure you’re sure..